Can I ask you a question please
Promise you won't laugh at me
Honestly I'm standing here
Afraid I'll be betrayed.
As twisted as it seems
I only fear love when it's in my dreams
So let the in the morning light
And let the darkness fade away.

Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?

--------------------

Another week's gone by, that marks the end of week 2 of Med school. It's starting to pick up now, can sort of feel the challenge levels building up gradually. I actually was prompted to do some self-study this weekend, only before I convinced myself of my folly. Sif study. Tutorial questions are a drag though, they actually count, and we've only had ethics tutorials so far -.- super waste of time, because the last 2 tutors I had both sucked. I actually bothered asking a question this time, only he gave me some roundabout spiel about life, the universe and everything, that answered it all but my question. Sigh++.

Pretty standard stuff, trying really hard to stay awake during lectures (due to my terrible sleeping habits (I really must do something about the amount of sleep I'm getting... Really impressed by people who actually manage to get proper sleep)). My notebook is filling up fast with useless junk I copy down from lectures to stop myself from sleeping >.>... Yeah, and doing random stuff like guessing where the professor is from by their accent/name etc.

But never fear! By tomorrow, I'll have my new computer~! Yes, it's finally here and ready for collection, though I'll probably have to skip parts of my lecture to go collect it. Still... Finally! It's not like my current computer is obsolete (well, it is to me anyway), but a new one is definitely welcome. Graphics card, finally! 4GB RAM is heavenly as well, compared to what I have now -.-". Really need to go do some backing up and stuff in preparation for tomorrow. *Connects drive up*.

Anyway, been one a textbook collecting spree as well last few days, in my quest to obtain all our textbooks without paying anything (yet. I find having something hard copy to flip through feels good though, but for references sake, search function ftw). Decided to share with the OG, and so now I also have to copy the textbooks I've managed to gather so far for the people who asked. The fact is, someone beat me to it, and hosted pretty much every book we'll ever need this year online. After I agreed to help everyone do the copying. Sigh, suck it up.

Huiting's cell was on Thursday this week, which she kindly asked me to tag along for after the service I attended with them last Sunday. Glad I could make it, trials were only on Friday. I really liked the crowd, they made me feel slightly more... Mentally adequate, to put it bluntly, than the first cell especially, as well as at home and welcome too. The people were all really warm and friendly, especially since I knew Huiting =). Met a cool Japanese girl called Hitomi, who Tiffany brought along for cell group, she's currently on exchange from Waseda University in Tokyo, so it was pretty cool talking to her, about culture and all that sort of thing (a bit of a Jap fan myself). Huiting amazed us all with her pro Jap skillz~! (she told me she'd forgotten how etc. etc. but then still managed to hold conversation with Hitomi -.-" (=D)) Sigh so cool =P. Wish I could speak Japanese.

Remember my teamNUS trials for the international chess team? I went again this Friday for the trials, more in vain than anything (hey, they said "if you want to make a good impression, come down for the second selection day as well", so I did). Turns out, there were a few people who showed up again, but they didn't make those who already did the test do it again, only the first-timers had to. Instead I sort of sat in for a training session of sorts. It was interesting, and quite fun as well (they're a pretty cool bunch, despite being largely non-singaporeans). My chess skills have definitely slipped since the golden years (comparing then and now, I seem to have accomplished/been able to do so many things back then. Feeling strangely useless and wasted now =/ I blame computers!). They made us play a training game at the end, with rapid controls (25mins per player). I got one of their team members (all non-members were assigned a member), and I was just freaked. I don't know why, but I just wasn't confident at all. Maybe it was the atmosphere, and after the puzzles I actually felt pretty noob (quite an unnerving feeling!)... Played super defensively, to the point I think the guy just gave up his attack and couldn't be bothered. Ended up waiting me out... I lost on time, but if the game went on I would probably have died a slow, painful and inevitable death 1-2 pawns down and in the wrong places. At least it wasn't a humiliating loss >.>, but it didn't say anything pro about me definitely.

Didn't really expect to get into the team, just surrendered it all to God in the end. If I did get into the team, training would be on Fridays, which is when cell is currently on. I would really have loved to carry on going to cell (especially as I'm just getting to know Huiting's cell and everyone), but then there was CCA commitment. I'll still meet up with them for church on Sundays I suppose (besides seeing Huiting everyday =P), so it's not so bad... Kee Liang, the cell group leader, even offered that those of us around NUS could meet up odd days just for whatever, since I live so nearby anyway. He really particularly impressed me with his warmth and grace toward, moreso than the usual levels.

And what do you know, I got the selection offer! Wonder how things will turn from here on out, but we'll soon see I suppose... =P

Went to church today for the graduation service for students at the School of Theology by our church, Kee Liang being one of the graduates (naturally the cell all turned up to cheer him). Thing is, it was at expo, and a bit far for most of us >.<... We all made it in the end though, and then went for lunch with Huiting and the rest of the cell, and Changi Airport of all places. I've never really been there for the purpose of eating, the place is actually full of meaning for me because every time I've been there, I was either leaving (possibly for a long period of time), coming back (also possibly after a long period of time), or seeing someone off. Went to this place called Popeye's, basically just a glorified KFC really. The fellowship was cool though, I guess after a week living alone it's nice just to talk to interesting people about random non-school related things =P.

I've discovered something slightly unnerving ever since I've officially become a medical student. Before, there always used to be a level of social acceptability that one tried to conform to, wanted to conform to, not just for your sake, but everyone elses, thus ensuring smoother social interaction in general. The thing is, ever since entering medical school, I get the feeling as if I've been exempt in some way from the social norm, with no requirement to fulfil any longer. When you do/say/express something weird in the form of habit, action, or opinion, people no longer stare at you strangely. They just think "ah, med student", and move on. (None of this actually happened, it's on a higher plane than general human interaction normally takes place. While you may question the validity of my inferences, first consider them in context, then reconsider your perspective. You may find some sense amidst this ramble). It's an interesting concept, but somehow scary at the same time. We all have our idiosyncrasies, but not showing them used to part of general social acceptance. Now, with it not even mattering anymore (except in isolated, individual cases), it's difficult to stop the inevitable conformation into how the populace generally views us "elitists". Alarming thought, and one to keep in mind in my everyday dealings.

There was more to say, but I'll end it here. No time anymore, and it's already too late. Tomorrow brings the start of a new week, and I've already tainted it, just by even being up at this time. Time to cut my losses.

Good night.

Posted at at 8/24/2008 10:52:00 PM on Sunday, August 24, 2008 by Posted by Glen |   | Filed under:

Tried to take a picture
Of love
Didn't think I'd miss her
That much
I want to fill this new frame
But its empty

Tried to write a letter
In ink
Its been getting better
I think
I got a piece of paper
But its empty
Its empty

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're empty

--------------------

I was this close. This close. To succumbing to the lull of the possibility that if I really wanted to, I could be free of having to post. Anymore. New environment, new schedule, new everything. Sometimes, it gets so hard to hold on to the things that have remained, should remain, must remain constant, even in the midst of chaos. Yet I somehow out-reasoned my physical, logical, and every other urge, and that is the reason you see this post today, on the brink of pushing the invisible 1-week post barrier, the crossing of which would be a tragedy.

The week past has been unlike any other I've had to face for eons. In fact, the last dates so far back, it surpasses the age of this blog several times over. But I won't go into that now. Well, you can all be thankful that I don't specifically remember events that happened, nor would I want to recount the happenings in great detail (yes, you have been spared the boredom this time around).

The first day of school was the White Coat Ceremony, a formal occasion (which required us to dress accordingly, as such), where we were sort of inaugurated as medical students, and future doctors. At first, we didn't really feel it, but seriously, by the end of the ceremony, as Lynnette actually put it, rather aptly: the feeling and pride of the circle we had actually entered into sort of kicked in. Part of the ceremony involved us first receiving our white coats formally from professors on stage in batches, and then the recitation famous pledge (an extremely modernised and recreated version of the Hippocratic oath). Most people had either one or both parents present for the morning, and although I didn't feel left out in that sense (everyone was so nice, it really would have been a challenge), I won't deny that it would have been nice for my parents to have been there. It really was cool to see everyone dressed formally though. Those who know me would probably realise that I'm not one to dress up, and normally my dressing can be summed up in one word. Casual. All the time. Yet somehow there's this interesting appeal when everyone just dresses up really formally and meets up, and it makes me want to go for a LAN party after actually is a good feeling.

Then they made us go for lectures after that in the afternoon. So fail. Introductions etc. Pretty much sums up what it was. In fact, pretty much sums up this week's lectures. General waste of time. Granted, we have got somewhere in some aspects. Some of which include Law, Ethics, and a little bit on the dynamics of Latin and Greek. Makes you want to go check if you're in the right faculty. Ethics actually hasn't been so bad actually, some parts of it I have some innate interest for (I don't think anyone else really gave a damn). But then they started trying to relate the little they taught to medical/healthcare systems. GG. /cast Hibernate(Rank 10). But I found a way to resist that towards the end of the week (I had to find an alternative until my new laptop arrives)! It's a shameful waste of resources, but I found that by constantly writing down stuff from the lecture, whether spoken by the lecturer, from the presentation, or out of my ass, into a notebook that isn't about to run out anytime soon, I successfully keep awake in a respectful and inconspicuous manner! Waste of ink, paper, and perhaps a little bit of the lecture (I do learn more from simply listening and absorbing from a lesson normally than I do taking notes) but one has to make do.

I went down on Tuesday evening to the Intellectual Games Club, only to find that they were a recreational club, with no CCA points issued for participation. Attempting to find information on the real chess team yielded little. So I once again turned to my old and trusted friend Google, who told me what I needed to know when others failed (who now has a rival Cuil, who I plan to meet and get to know in the near future). Anyway, Wednesday was the Varsity Christian Fellowship meeting, I came late and therefore only managed to attend the cell group component. Overall though, I think I preferred it over the others purely due to the depth, complexity and level of bible study they went to, even in relation to us as medical students. Interesting, and I plan to look further into the fellowship. Went for this free concert at the University Cultural Centre by some budding Chinese singer with Man Ying. She had to write an article (her first for The Ridge, the University publication~) on it, and asked me to go along (couldn't just let her go alone now could I). It wasn't bad, the musicians had more talent than the singer herself though imo, and her guitarist sang better than her >.>.

Well turns out that the trials for the TeamNUS chess team was on this Friday, so I went down for them. And promptly got pwned. Quite a humbling experience, being in a room where the stark reality was, among those there for trials and members of the team itself, the possibility that I was the worst player present was more than probable. Still, I did the selection test, scored 7.5/18 (which I learned of the next day), and now await the decision on whether I'll be accepted after their second day of trials, next Friday. Which I will be welcome to turn up at again, should I choose to do so and reattempt another test, with the possibility of scoring better. Hmm decisions. The problem is, their training sessions are on Friday nights, meaning that I probably won't be able to go for cell on those Fridays anymore if I do get accepted. A heavy burden indeed.

Saturday I just slacked around and played WoW. A little segment for any WoW players who happen to read my blog here:

Decided to do some 2v2 arena with a hunter (I'm a resto druid), and damn, druid/hunter combos have to have the longest arena matches that ever existed. They were averaging 20 minute rounds, and some even surpassing 30 minutes. Honestly, that's 30 minutes of intense concentration, by the end of which you might possibly still lose the round, and consequently arena points. Extremely mentally distressing. I don't know if I'll ever want to do druid/hunter again after last night. We were doing ok as a team, it was just... Too draining to keep up. While it's accounted one of the strongest teams around, I don't think I have the mental stamina, fortitude, and time/dedication to do that on a consistent basis. Not to mention there are still matchups that last 30 minutes, at the end of which we inevitably get walked all over anyway. How do you even find the motivation to go on when you see a geared druid/warlock team. It's summarised in this face: D=

End WoW spiel.


Went to the Jurong West service that City Harvest hosts at it's own building this side of the island, honestly much more convenient for me now that I'm staying at NUS. Trips all the way to Expo just for weekly services is just a little too demanding. Met up with Huiting and her cell, who attend this service consistently (don't tell me you expected I would go alone...? Don't answer that). It was actually quite impressive though, for a small service on the other side of where the service normally is. And we had a guest speaker, Peter Wagner. He delivered what I believe was the best sermon I've heard in what must have been years. Perhaps that's just because it was more suited to my tastes, but I enjoy his style/genre (is there such a thing?) of preaching. But I really do recommend listening to this sermon if you missed it, called "God has an open mind". It's a little theological, but it answers a very basic question in christianity that I've asked and reasoned myself, but he managed to sum up, with evidence too, very nicely in his bible study of sorts.

We went for lunch, which eventually became a movie with Huiting and a few people from her cell. Money No Enough 2 is the latest Singapore film, and it wasn't bad, advocated by Huiting herself for quite a while now... Despite the amount of connotations, especially in hokkien, I found it enjoyable enough. I can understand why she didn't mind seeing it again though, understanding hokkien probably completed the film, something my knowledge of Singapore culture didn't help with (It technically did, since some basic hokkien is crucial to the culture here, but nothing significant). Her cell is quite a cool group though, mostly uni students and stuff. I might pay them a visit Thursday, when their cell meeting will be this week.

It hit me the other day, but it has suddenly occurred to me (inspired by discussions with another), that my blog is actually in quite a melancholic state. Sadly, due to the people, and the number of them who have access to my blog, I find I can no longer plainly state any or all emotions, feelings, and thoughts, especially those in the deepest recesses of my mind, held back by cultural norms, interpersonal decency, simple manners, embarrassment, even possible social stigma. However, the only other alternatives to me are to privatise my blog (a gross, henious act), start a diary (partially defeating the purpose altogether), or run another blog alongside this one (way, way too much effort. I can't even find the motivation to maintain this one >.>). But I suppose it's all part of the process of evolution of this blog. We shall see where this goes.

It's incredibly late, and I fear I won't be getting enough sleep again tonight. So guess what I'm going to do now.

Good night.

Posted at at 8/17/2008 11:53:00 PM on Sunday, August 17, 2008 by Posted by Glen |   | Filed under:

Here and now its time for celebration
I finally figured it out
That all our dreams have no limitations
That's what its all about

Everyone is special in their own way
We make each other strong
Were not the same
Were different in a good way
Together's where we belong

We're all in this together
Once we know
That we are
We're all stars
And we see that
We're all in this together
And it shows
When we stand
Hand in hand
Make our dreams come true

-------------------

Lol, was supposed to post earlier, but... You know the drill. I make the excuses. You just take it. Oh by the way, it's 12 midnight, and tomorrow I've got to be up at 6ish, to get ready for the white coat ceremony at NUS High early tomorrow. Bad time to blog, I realise. But hey, at least I'm making the effort. Now on to the post.

Hmm, on Thursday night I went down to help out with Rag Ops with some of our OG members. Our job scope pretty much consisted of making last minute changes/"improvements" to the Medicine Faculty float. In reality? We sat around and chilled the whole night away to Rag the next day. At first there were just four or five of us around in the evening, so at the end of the day's work some of us wound up at my room, just taking a look at it in general haha. Michelle and Feifan, and Nick, who was on an unnatural self-induced high that night for some reason >.>. I don't think anyone believes me other than the two us who witnessed it that it actually happened at all... But anyway. After that we met up with the rest of us who were to turn up and stay the night over, and be "on duty" for Rag. We just ended up colonising an air-conditioned seminar room, and played cards, listened to music, whiling the time away. Interesting time, since it's probably the last time we'll be staying overnight with each other for a long time. We all sort of knocked out towards the end though, maybe 5ish. This was the first night in the last month or so where I didn't survive the entire sleepover. Sigh, cut me some slack... It's my 8th one I think since Medicamp O_O.

Rag day itself we helped move the float and panels associated with it around at the start, so we missed the initial few performances (including the winning one for the faculty category, quite a shame). The sun was terrible, beating down on us the way it did. Merciless. We still did manage to catch most of the other faculty performances (and hall ones), thankfully. Medicine had a really well choreographed dance, and I believe many expected them to win it... Unfortunately, all we won was most improved flag day collection per capita... Very sad when you think about it >.> ah well, I think we're all past the stage that winning actually counted. Most of us were in it for the company and fun more than anything else. Oh, and after Rag was over, we discovered that Matilda (one of our OGLs and M2) appeared to have fractured her ankle or something, falling into a drain... Her foot was swollen enough =/. So we got her to UHWC, and then to NUH for X-rays and stuff, only to discover that it was actually a clean break in her metacarpal (bone in your foot joining your toe to ankle). She truly shocked us all with her pain threshold. Didn't even bother with painkillers she was given. I think she was actually sadder about the fact that she would be partially immobilised for the next month or so than the actual pain or discomfort itself... Truly impressive. I don't think any of us would have been able to repeat that feat had it been us.

There was a barbecue that night with the cell group, pretty meh (especially since I didn't actually get much sleep the night before). But still, I did meet some new people, who did in some ways make going down for it worthwhile, Joel and Man Ying in particular. She's starting school on Monday too, and staying at the same residence as me~! She struck me as quite an interesting person, and she was. Somehow the conversation just carried itself, as it does when you just click. It hasn't been happening much before, but recently I've started to notice: there are certain people who are just on the same... Frequency? As I am. And I'm inevitably drawn to them (and hopefully, them me), for better or worse. But generally it's nice meeting new people when you know they're on the same level as you are, interests and everything else aside. Deciphering what makes up these "frequencies" (quaint term, temporal until a more suitable description surfaces) is material for another post, but definitely something worth looking into.

Oh yes, yesterday was National Day. It's quite a hyped up event in Singapore (ahem, monopolise patriotism much), and that's putting it lightly. Well, a few of our OG mates decided to succumb and turn up at Boat Quay to watch the fireworks display at the end of the Parade, after meeting for dinner. The pictures I have are not worth putting up, our view was obscured first by a tree situated at just the wrong place, and then by the resulting smoke from the fireworks. Still, it was more the feeling of being there together with friends that made the night, more than the actual display itself. We did adjourn to a bar (called the Eskimo Bar, and aptly so >.> it was cold, but pleasantly so (at least, that's what I thought...)) after that, just a few of us, for a round of cocktails and some pretty deep "discussion" lol. But yeah, it was... An interesting night. We learnt a lot more about each other probably within that small group than we would have been able to progress any more as an entire OG. To Feifan, Nikki, Nick, Weixin and Weiting, last night was fun =). Definitely worth repeating, perhaps with remixed members (or not =P).

Church this afternoon (went for the later service, could not summon the motivation to go earlier). But I just realised that the distance to Expo is quite incredible. Taking into account waiting times and public transport routes, it took me between 1 and a half to 2 hours to get to church. Impractical++. The Jurong West service is starting to look more inviting by the week, and perhaps I'll pay a visit in the near future.

Met Man Ying for dinner (like I said, it's nice knowing people living around), just spent time chatting, getting to know each other. She actually isn't a Christian, but has sort of been visiting I suppose, when I met her. Probably just on her way out though, which is cool, and something I respect. What I simply cannot stand are people who try to impress their religion on anyone. I think it's just stupid and... Wrong. It's the individual who should be the one allowed to make the decision for his or herself. I think it's our responsibility to inform people of our beliefs, but that's where it ends. Personally, I would rather a person be free to believe what they will, than be psychologically forced into anything, even if that includes my own religion. It's sad, but I know it's happening. Anyway, she's pretty cool, and we talked about random stuff (see, the only time talking about random stuff actually works is when there's some sort of match in frequency. It just gets weird otherwise). She's doing an English major in FASS (Faculty of Arts and Science) (complete with Arts hours -.-). She got to see my room, and I hers (I'm in a Class A room while hers is a Class C... We were both interested in what the other side looked like I guess =P). The difference wasn't as great as I expected I suppose, the room size is about the same, except for the absence of the toilet and A/C unit. Which actually make all the difference ><. Oh well. My life as a Medical student officially starts off tomorrow, kicking off with a sort of Medical Inauguration I suppose (White Coat Ceremony), followed by lectures after -.- true to the spirit of Med school... Formal attire is such a chore to prepare though. Though from prior experience, it's feels grand once everyone's there and formal, with you a part of it. Well, we shall see how that goes. Oh, something that struck me during the barbecue. They were playing these childish ice-breaker games (which do work, amazingly, given the right crowd), and then it hit an ambiguious (not so, really) point, where there was a forfeit, and it was between a guy and a girl. And I heard the call "murmur mumble... GENTLEMAN... grumble", resulting in the guy going up and doing the forfeit. In my opinion, and many others, it should have by all rights gone to the girl. Which brings up another thing that annoys me, quite a lot. It riles when people invoke gentlemanly attitudes/behaviour in a game/competitive setting. Honestly. What's the point of playing at all when rules are bent and shortcuts taken, and girls get the lighter end of the stick at the end, yet maintain equal chances to win? I believe that all's fair in love and war (to use the idiom loosely), and if you want to play the game (on equal grounds I would assume, in the first world context of this age), please do so with pride and honour, instead of hiding behind ideals best left out of the competitive case. I find that over the last few months? Years even? My personality seems to be evolving. Technically, your personality should only change once in your life, and that's around mid-life, 30-40 years old type of period. And yet, when I look back on my personality profile, it almost certainly doesn't match, especially some parts. According to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), I apparently am (was) an ISTJ (If you're feeling lost, please refer to the "For everything else." link on my sidebar. It should help.). But it's hardly true anymore, especially the T and J components. Reading descriptions and stuff, I've actually almost shifted to F and P in some aspects, while in others I'm still on this side. Honestly, ask anyone I knew way back while I was still in Singapore, and they'd probably agree that I was an ISTJ. Yet if you asked anyone who knows me even moderately well now, I think they'd be wont to think otherwise. It's odd, and that means I probably can't be classified into a profile at the moment. It might have something to do with my exceptionally tumultous emotions at the moment, but still, it's a little bit ludicrous really. I shall monitor this, further developments to come.

And I'm starting school off with a bang indeed. It's only the first day and I'm already going to be sleep deprived. That's the spirit!

Forward!

Before it even began.

START Story Arc 3 - Medical School

Posted at at 8/10/2008 11:36:00 PM on Sunday, August 10, 2008 by Posted by Glen |   | Filed under:

I'm thinking about,
Letting it out.
I wanna give in,
I wanna go out.
Been looking around
I've finally found,
The rhythm of love,
The feeling of sound.
It's making a change,

The feeling is strange.
It's coming right back.
Right back in my range.
Not worried about anything else,
I'm waking up

To the beat of my,
To the beat of my,
To the beat of my heart.

--------------------

Yes! Small step towards breaking the reign of the weekend post! The moment I felt the song, I knew I had won this week's battle. Ok, maybe it's because uni hasn't started yet (but it will next week >.>) and I just suddenly had this gap in my packed schedule, and voilà, time appeared. I shall take this opportunity to perhaps expand a bit on the side of this blog that hasn't had much press lately... But first!

I make this post from yet another niche in my series of firsts... My own room~! Ok that sounded sort of anticlimactic, but in fact it's my own apartment, of sorts. As on Monday, I moved into Prince George's Park Residences in the NUS campus, and will probably be staying here for my first year in Med school. I'll get some pics up when I finish taking them, but you'll have to watch this space: Not done with photo taking yet, but I'll edit this to put them in at a later stage.

EDIT!

Here are the photos~



This is the view from the elevator lobby on my floor (7th and top floor) of the plaza.



More views from there.



Quite a vantage isn't it, this one as well.



This is from the plaza itself.



Further down the plaza.



View of the residence from the plaza.







Views of Prince George's Park residences from the outside, mostly from a bus or the hill opposite, where King Edward VII Hall is located.



Foyer of PGP, I really liked the glass structure above.



My room =O. Be not fooled, this pretty picture is but a lie. A little application of Illusory techniques makes it appear almost inviting, but in reality... Never mind.



View from the room! It's actually a really nice one, not that I'll be looking out the window much. Still, it's the sort of thing that's good to have even if you never actively appreciate it.

Anyway, my aunt's been really helpful this last few days, with the moving and the unpacking and just sorting everything out. There's still a lot left for me to do, and things to find out, but she's really done a considerable bit for me, and taken a huge chunk out of the effort I'll have to put in to adapt to another new environment. She's manage to pretty much relocate the entire area which I've almost literally colonised with creep (sorry, relatively inside reference) for the past 6 months. It was quite a wild torrent of activity and stuff (I've always hated moving, something to do with the disruption of the consistencies in my world), but Monday morning and afternoon pretty much consisted in turning order into chaos, transporting it, and then reintroducing order, the latter being the hardest part, of course. Won't go into details, but I will say that I got a few looks lugging a small bookcase from the carpark up 7 stories in a lift, through the gate separating blocks and into my room...

After that I went to Vivo City to meet none other than my super OG people for a movie at 6.15pm. Most of them only came just on time, and since I'd arrived at 5, Ben brought me around "shopping", at various clothes shops. He has an incredible level of dress sense and the like for a guy, not something I'm really that impressed by actually, but appreciation takes time I suppose. I am, after all, quite the opposite. I've got the "same clothes?" comment more than once now, by more than one person. I hate how more than half my clothes (winter wear) just got voided when I came here -.-". The movie was the new Mummy that's out. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't fantastic either. New director I suppose from the previous two Mummys, but still. Some concepts were great, but some were just meh/average. Still it was pretty fun. Went for dinner/dessert after that (it was really late, and we were quite full from the boxes of beef chilli cheese fries we smuggled into the cinema). Saw Esther again, for like the first time since I got back from Australia. Her hair's short now, but it seems to suit her personality better. Just got the news today (I actually missed it, only heard after I got back home just then) that Esther's leaving for Cambridge, and won't be in our course after all =(. Came as a huge shock, especially since I didn't hear it from her... Quite a loss for our OG, since she's the female OG I/C, and probably one of the biggest contributors in terms of the enthusiasm she brings to the group. She won't be leaving until September though, so I'll save it until we actually say our goodbyes.

But then, on to why I left. Today was actually NUS Flag Day, where we went out into the city and stuff with tin cans and stickers, harassing members of the public with pleas akin to "pl0x zOmG pUt Ur M0N13z in t3h c4n kth4xsz~~!!!11!1one!!1", hoping that people would be kind enough to drop coin into your tin instead of another one of the thousands out there today, if they intended to drop one at all. Ok, actually it went more like "Excuse me, would yo-" -Out of earshot-. But yeah, you get the idea. Walked around our assigned area some with Huiting and Pradip (who sort ended up drifting further and further, and eventually faded altogether), with horrendous luck in the beginning (It was 10.30am. Who in their right mind is out in the streets looking for people at that kind of time.) But there you go. Eventually we did find a spot though, which she ended up camping it, with great degrees of success. I ended up roaming the surrounds and streets with our spot as the focal point. With... Less success. Our hope's were on the lunch crowd (Raffles Place is like CBD area, offices and banks, no retail to speak of -.-"), but you see, with the lunch crowd came the whole bunch of students wearing the same orange shirts we were given, from every faculty and hall in the university. All over the streets. No, not much success at all. Huiting's can was almost twice the weight of mine at the end though... But then, these things always were unfair. One radiant beam, her sweet smile, and money jumps obligingly into the can, and stickers fly for joy (Ok not that easy, but you get the idea). What do I have on that...? GFA Nothing. We stopped at about 12.30pm, went for our own lunch at this beef noodle place that was pretty good (and the adjacent stall, which also apparently served good fish noodles), and then coffee with the rest of them who only turned up after lunch (they went to RJC, their old school, with varying degrees of success). That iced mocha was heavenly after a morning/afternoon in the streets under the sun. The problem was, I had to be back at uni to sign for the loan for my computer (and meet my aunt, who was to be the guarantor), and thus was unable to stay until the coffee ended. Had to say my abrupt and hasty goodbyes and race off for uni, and thus I missed the fateful announcement.

We got there on time, if slightly late, but it seemed to be going well, until the system refused to allow my aunt be the guarantor. Long story short, some complications arose with the loan signing, but half an hour to an hour later, my cousin comes along and signs in place of my aunt, whom the system didn't allow to guarantee anything. Huge time-waste, but it got done in the end, and hopefully nothing happens on the bank's side. Went with my aunt for dinner, bought some stuff for my room, and then I got back.

I have a theory that came to me earlier today. My aunt commented that I've been reported to daydream, a lot, from various sources. While this might be true, I think I can explain. When I daydream, my brain feels like it's working overtime. The hypothesis: I think my brain is overclocked (together with the brains of other daydreamers). In exchange for the basic functions such as hearing and sight, more power is directed instead to my mental processes, thus speeding up and enabling levels of thought beyond what I'm normally capable of. This actually comes in useful once you can control the overclocking effect in certain situations, but that's exploration for another time. But I do tend to slip into it at somewhat inconvenient times, and probably occasion comment when it happens, and I can imagine why too.

And some light (lol) self-insight I felt obliged to share. Serious warning, this gets pretty abstract. Feel free to skip (not like you haven't felt free skipping half of what I write anyway, don't think I don't know just 'cause I'm not there when you're reading it -.-), these are some of my thoughts in pretty raw form. If you decide I'm quite mad, I don't hold it against you. I'm starting to ask that question myself. But on with it. Well, for what I can say of most of my conscious life, in the constant war between head and heart, it was always my mind who triumphed over emotion. It's as if in every encounter, every action, it's always been my mind at the wheel, and my heart in the backseat. Actually, make that bound, gagged, chloroformed and stuffed into the boot. Why has this been so? Upon doing a little self reflection, I believe it's because Mind secretly fears the strength of Heart. It realised that on equal ground, Heart could possess immense, potential power, and would be likely to seize the position Mind gained in my consciousness with ease, the position Mind spent it's existence garnering. Therefore, Mind took Heart unawares, and sealed it where it has been. But lately, the seals have been weakening (sound familiar?). It was only recently where Mind started steering me toward things which starkly blasphemed all that Heart stood for, and Heart felt every blow. Mind knew it was only making the choices that worked for me, and toward the almighty future. So blow after blow they rained, until the last: possibly the most controversial of acts committed by Mind took place. Heart raged. The cries of Heart reverbrated infinitely through the void, as a desperate struggle against the seals of Mind ensued. And somehow, Heart's cries were heard. A being of Higher Consciousness (who shall be known as HC (for the poor souls who loved me enough to actually get this far down, here's a clue: HC is me (For the theologians! I believe HC to be my spirit, since there isn't anything else higher level then the current elements of the story). I love you too.)) responded to the cries of Heart, and descended as a mediator between the two contesting factions. After the conclusion of the deliberations, it was unanimously decided by HC and the Sitters present at the debate (Will, Body, and quite possibly a few other members I have not been able to deduce the presence of yet) that the seal Mind bound Heart with should be dispelled, and they were. Mind swore never again to delibitate Heart in such a manner, thus affording Heart free contest and reach over almost all of what Mind once had sole control over. My mind's still at the wheel, as much as it always was. But somehow, this time my heart isn't bound, or gagged anymore. In fact, it just roused from it's chloroform induced coma. But the boot still isn't a pleasant place to be.

I did warn you. By the way, in case you aren't convinced I'm mad yet (might as well finish the job off), Mind and Heart actually exist in my thought processes. Heart I never heard much, except in periods of extreme emotion where the seals actually weakened enough for it to contest with Mind. And I hear those debates on the inside, but I'm normally in too much turmoil myself to bother with investigations/exploration, though if I tried I could probably get the transcript down if it ever happened again (you wouldn't want it, I certainly don't. I have reason to believe it would be disturbingly vulgar). And for the record, deliberations concluded, the verdict passed, and sentence(s) were carried out, as of real-life time, today.

That took so freaking long it's not funny. But I feel... enlightened? If anyone out there identifies in any way with this last aspect of this post especially, whether negatively or positively, do drop a tag (anonymous is fine ^^). To the rest, no, I'm not actually mad >.> (as if you'd believe that! Right...?). That was actually a(n) (rather sad) attempt to blog unprocessed thoughts. What you normally see on my blog, well the insight aspects of it anyway, are processed ones. Don't worry, my thoughts have always been, and always will be processed. I'm starting to see why now.

Lol, well it's late, I'm off (I know, finally right). Thank goodness for the free day tomorrow. So much admin stuff to settle with regards to the hostel and everything sigh.

Hello world.

In further deliberations by Sitters, it is still being debated as to how Mind managed to seal the clearly stronger Heart. Some believe Mind was initially raised to ascension over Heart by HC itself, while others are appalled at the mere suggestion. The possible presence of a yet another consciousness has also been raised, one which perhaps co-orchestrated the entire course of history in this Plane.

John 16:13.

Posted at at 8/05/2008 11:46:00 PM on Tuesday, August 5, 2008 by Posted by Glen |   | Filed under:

I know there's something here
There's more than meets the eye
More strange more beautiful
Than these words can describe

Don't know how I got here
The past has come and gone
I just know I have found
The place my heart belongs

And I want to stay
I feel safe here in your light
This must be what heaven's like
Must be angels in the room tonight

--------------------

Hello all. Ok feeling quite guilty, the past week has been so filled with so much activity, I really had ample reason to make a post anytime during the week. More than reason, I should actually have been obligated to do so (My general rule of thumb: once enough things happen that you won't be able to recount the important things fully and accurately, it's time to post. Immediately). Except, well, I sort of got carried away by the wiles of time-wasting. Apologies to my readers I suppose, but really i'm feeling more remorse at myself. The whole habit of posting on weekends I developed in the army has a hold on me. Which is not exactly what I expected to happen, and I'm quite disappointed at really. Only posting on weekends limits so much in a more civil environment with regards to the quality of my entries. Sigh, time to start working on unmaking this unfortunate practice. Anyway, lets start from where I left off.

Ok, Monday was a real rush, probably one of the worst. It came to the point where I was about 30 mins from leaving for the airport, and my bag wasn't even packed. AT ALL. It was just empty, with my stuff lying all around (I did manage to congregate them to some extent, but that's beside the point). 30 minutes is probably the most I've ever stretched it before flying off somewhere. And then I learnt why: 30 minutes simply isn't enough for me. It was just a flurry of stuffing and running all over the house, gathering up the bits of myself you inevitably leave around your own house. If I had more time, perhaps I would have felt something akin to a sense of loss, but winded as I was, all I could see was the time, and all I could hear was my mum's incessant nagging. I made it, after a fashion... Ok fine, I didn't make it. We ran really late in leaving for the airport for my flight at 7+. However, this encompassed the time we needed to go buy Krispy Kremes first~ (super famous donuts in the US, still currently unavailable in Singapore. It's become almost customary for frequent flyers to and from Melbourne and Singapore to carry Krispy Kremes with their hand luggage~)! All we had to do was hurry and we would still make it yay! We got to the Krispy Kreme shop near our place (it was actually the first branch in Melbourne, and thus a big one, where they were made everyday), and then they made me choose which specific ones I wanted for the assorted box. Bad move. I don't happen to be the most decisive person around, far from it actually. So I ended up spending WAY too long choosing (such a trivial thing, T.T, but I can never help myself). And on we went to the airport, even later than before. Still, we managed to check-in on time (somehow we skipped the queue because I remembered to check-in online~). Only my parents came, since my sister had school. So said my goodbyes to mum and dad, prayed, and through to immigration I went. The next time I see them will probably sometime at the end of the year, and it'll probably be them visiting me.

The flight was ok, they relocated my seat at the last minute without any notice. Just before I boarded the plane they were like "Hey you, go see that guy over at the counter." And he issued me another ticket. The cool thing is, it was an aisle seat, with no one beside me! That means access to the aisle without obstruction, and no need to shift for being an obstruction to the person sitting inside. Watched a few movies (all I really do in planes, I never manage to sleep properly in them anyway), and then arrived in Singapore at 1am. My cousin was there to pick me, and a good thing too. It wasn't fun walking around with my luggage, a backpack, a pouch with the important stuff (passport etc), and 3 boxes of Krispy Kremes.

Didn't have much time at home to rest, since uni matriculation was on in the late afternoon. Did manage to sleep a little, though not as much as I liked (isn't that always the case >.>), and then went down to NUS. I've got to say, it was nice seeing people again, after about 2 weeks. Everyone was just as warm, and it almost felt like I hadn't been away at all. There was a fair as well after matriculation, so we just went walking around, about 10 of us who converged after getting our uni cards. The cool thing was that pretty much every company that meant anything to students (and I mean anything) was represented, and giving away free stuff. And they were actually real free stuff (ie. useful). There were also stations/exhibits/stalls where all the co-curricular activities were also advertising (rather aggressively, might I add >.>) we couldn't walk more than a few steps without getting stopped/approached by some advocate for the next CCA down the line, handed a brochure and start getting chatted up. I felt we didn't really have time to go through the whole fair to do it justice, but I suppose we grabbed the essentials. Thanks to the medicine faculty being placed last on that day, the stalls pretty much closed right after we passed them, leaving little time for contemplation after that. I was also looking at getting a computer from the fair at this point (they offered interest free loans for the length of my course!), but they were closed by the time we escaped and disengaged from the traps of the evil fair (which was actually rather late, must have been 6+ by then really, maybe even 7). Went down to the co-op shop with Huiting to grab our atlases before school started (for fear of being unable to procure stocks of them once school started), but alas, they were closed too (for some unknown reason... I mean, since when do bookshops close at 6?. At least the dejectedness didn't last long =). I planned to come down for the fair again on Wednesday, since it would be around until the end of the week. After all, there was that computer to get~.

Ended up going down on Wednesday, managed to catch the Co-op shop open and got our atlases ^^, then met Xu Sheng to go browse the laptops. I ended up getting the Lenovo T400, which actually isn't out in the stores yet lol... But it was the best of those there (still wasn't very good, initially had something better in mind... But oh well, it wasn't bad I suppose, pretty good processor 2.53ghz, 4GB RAM, average gfx (ATI Mobility Radeon HD 3470)). Anyway, paid the deposit and stuff, and then headed home pretty much. I attempted to renew the book I'm currently reading from the library a second time, and failed. So now the fine's collecting up while I finish reading it -.-" (stubborn refusal to return it~). I haven't been reading much... Probably read more in the army than I am now actually O_O... Probably because computers don't exist in the army. Or anything remotely intellectual really, besides the books you bring in.

Thursday was the inter-OG party we threw~! If anyone remembers the "compromise" we came up with to split the Ben & Jerry's vouchers we won at Medicamp, this was one aspect of it. We had another OG come down, and Ben booked us a function room at a condominium, where we had dinner/the ice-cream, which was great. We also watched "How to lose a guy in 10 days", downstairs, and then followed up with "Serendipity" after the party and into Haotian's house, where the sleepover was carried out within our OG. Both ended up being romance for some reason, somehow >.>. Not that I minded, I actually quite enjoyed both movies... Never used to think so, but I've found recently (as in, last few years recently) romance films aren't actually that bad, in fact, a few are actually really good imo.

We spent the rest of the night playing Taboo (quite a few lol's from that actually... The antics of some people, lol... That's probably what makes the game), and heading down to the streets for supper. Ok, the funny part is this... Haotian's condo is in Geylang, well known in Singapore for, none other than, prostitutes. Singapore is one place, where (quite surprisingly, shocking in fact) prostution itself is actually legal, though street promoting and the like are not. So, as you can imagine, taking a walk down the street at 3am in the morning with the rest of us who stayed the night was... Interesting, to say the least >.>. Our objective was actually a rather famous place in the same area (which is, consequently, also remarkably famous for food), but the walk there... At first it was pretty sparse and scattered, just random hookers standing around, but some streets were literally lined with them, reminding us of some sort of exhibit, which it not necessarily wasn't. What disgusted me most though were the random guys roaming the area. Strangely, they reminded me of Soulless (Undead, Zombies, whatever you like to call them). I don't know why, but upon reflection that was the impression on my mind. Most stalked alone or in twos, and had a sort of haunted look in their eyes, constantly darting. Rather freaky actually, but I especially disdained some of the looks they shot our girls, which held... I don't know what it was, but it sure upset me, and made me want to shoo them away, to put it lightly. Still, the dim sum we had at the place was excellent stuff, and uncannily fresh for the "environment", if I may put it that way. We ended off the night (morning) with The Mummy, which some people surprisingly had never seen. Honestly, it wasn't as good as I remembered it. But then, it was an old movie. Really anticipating the new one just out though, which I'll be going to see tomorrow~ with some of us from the OG =).

Friday was largely a waste of time, went to Uni to enquire about some things before the fair disappeared in general, but otherwise I didn't get much done. It was a nice break though. Cell was cancelled that night for some reason, but it happened to be my cousin's 18th birthday, so I went with his family to celebrate at some restaurant (some interesting mushroom place... Their speciality was mushrooms pretty much, and it was a sort of steamboat cum set meal, which was surprisingly tasty, but then, I've always liked mushrooms =/, which some people find odd for some reason >.>).

The next day was my bond signing =O, which was sort of a formal occasion, where I went down with my aunt and working cousin, my two guarantors, to sign the next 10-11 years of my life away. No hesitation though, it's what I wanted, I got it, and I'm glad for it. Now, if I just flew off and never came back, my aunt will be in huge trouble... Quite a scary thought actually, considering my home isn't even in Singapore... But then, I do tend to entertain these extreme and disturbing thoughts for time to time.

Met up with Huiting, who also goes to City Harvest Church, and some of the people from her cell, and headed down from Suntec City to the Singapore Indoor Stadium, where this year's Festival of Praise was taking place, in place of church this week (as it was being hosted by none other than our church). It's sort of a congregation of all the churches in Singapore for a night of corporate prayer and worship, as well as a series of messages from the guest speaker that year, I've personally never been, although I'd heard much about it, but Huiting had before. The initial plan was that we'd go down together after bond signing, but turns out we didn't have to go down that early... Still met up anyway, though it was closer to 5pm, and then proceeded to queue in the stifling heat until the doors opened at 6+. We then sat around until the service started at 7.30pm. It was nice though, just talking to Huiting and her cell group members and getting to know them, despite the heat outside, and then the crowds inside. Really powerful night, the Hillsong team was down, and Mark Connor, the senior pastor from CityLife Church LOL (my former church in Melbourne pretty much). His preaching's actually improved quite a lot from the last time I heard him, the sermon was humorous, simple and yet meaningful. It ended pretty late, was past 10pm when the service itself ended. We then proceeded to walk down to Kallang Station, just a few of us (turned out to be quite a long walk >.>, thankfully they're building an MRT station next to the Indoor Stadium, yay~), still, we took our time and chatted all the way there, so I didn't really feel the distance in that sense. From there it was pretty much get on a train and head home, it was horrendously late by that time (past 11 easy). Everyone got on the same train, and we bade our goodbyes from there. It was quite nice talking to Huiting, haven't seen her around much at the OG meetings though, she's pretty busy I guess. Well, we'll see more of each other in time to come I suppose.

This post actually started on Sunday morning, but as of now it's 11.50pm, and I amended the post time accordingly. Actually, my pair of x3is (headphones i'm currently using for my iPod) broke, and I found out on Saturday night on the way home. I was surprisingly devastated... After all, their just a pair of headphones. But then that meant no music, and I think that's the part that really struck me hard. You see, I've become hooked on music I think, after a fashion. So today was spent going down to the shop I got them, only to find that their going to be getting a new build of x3is, and as a result have no stock of the current model, come back in 2 weeks time. The old man who runs the shop was nice though, offered to replace my broken ones. Hope he keeps his word. Anyway, so as part of the contingency, I went to Funan Centre (technology super-mall) and finally got myself a long overdue gaming headset. That solved the music problem, the headphones problem (at least at home), and the microphone problem (been needing a proper one for a long time). Oh, grabbed a haicut on the way back, also long overdue. At least I made effective use of my time today (somewhat)!

The whole of my next week will be a terribly mad rush all the way until school starts I'm afraid, moving into my hostel tomorrow, hopefully changing my phone plan, meeting up with a few people from the OG for a movie and maybe dinner. All this in just Monday. Tuesday is Flag Day, and then I've been enlisted for last minute Rag activities from Wednesday all the way up to Friday (nights included O_O), when Rag itself will take place. Wonder who's going to turn up for all this stuff... But it's going to take quite a lot to make it worth my while >.>

Ok, I really should finish up packing if I plan to move straight into my hostel tomorrow. I might not actually stay the night there, depending on stuff. But then I might, you never know. I suppose I should start saying goodbye to this little niche I've inhabited since I returned to live in Singapore. Emotions running high, of course. Not.

Good night.

Posted at at 8/03/2008 11:00:00 PM on Sunday, August 3, 2008 by Posted by Glen |   | Filed under:
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