I've discovered a recurring weakness in myself. Exposure to high high pressure and stress follows with vaulting, ambitious plans envisioned for a utopian aftermath. Ultimately, they turn out unrealistic. Not so much due to their magnitude, but my ineptness in accurately gauging my own potential following an ordeal such as the one not very long ago. Lapses into states of sheer apathy, an aversion from duty, from anything useful at all, save fun. An adrenaline junkie, if you may. The correct technical term this eludes me at the time of this writing. As you can tell, I really don't care.


Surrounded, trapped by circumstances, the result of what was just explained is a terrible crunch, either occuring at the end of the holidays, or in my case, a major exodus, on several levels.

Being forced out of a room, not once but twice this holidays, was a terrible blow. Contend as I might, even with the help of my dear mother (a master in the art of Compulsion), little ground was gained. Resorting to outright rebellion might have worked, had my appeal not been on the line for another year in this hole, with their draconian administrators and imbalanced resource distribution, not to mention fail customer support. If this was a game, I'd quit. No, says the UB3R 31337 H4X0R, I'd DDoS/root their servers. Pwnt.

Unfortunately, it isn't, and we're all just victims in the end.

Whole bunch of other things to do as well... And heading back to Melbourne on the 8th is the source of the crunch, albeit, thankfully, one to look forward to still (as opposed to the end of the holidays...). Long story short, it'll get done, with a little focus (left without a choice, really). So grateful for the dear girl, who's been around to help with all the mess of moving, and lend support in this psychologically unstable time for me, despite her own share of it. I'll miss her, for the first 10 days that I'll be away in Melbourne, and even more for the 3 weeks in Europe. But as consolation of sorts, she'll be coming to join me in Australia for the rest of my time there... It's nice having good things to look forward to =)

That said, it's been a great two weeks, spending time catching up on the important things in life. Phase II of the holidays begins in a week, and the preparations must begin. Now, let's attempt to sleep in this half-packed, sneezy, dusty room, even as i'm reluctant to leave it.

Your presence is magic.

Posted at at 5/31/2009 01:01:00 AM on Sunday, May 31, 2009 by Posted by Glen |   | Filed under:

The madness is at an end, and an uneasy balance has settled over the burning, dying world. Yet for one beleagured soldier; weary, battered, but alive; he knows it is only the beginning. But fight on he will, for this was the path he chose to tread, the destiny he chose to claim. Though it lead him through hellfire, and sorrow, and death, against the essence of the corrupted world itself; falter, he must not, he cannot. To inch forward, against all odds, to the very heart of chaos, that is his destiny; though destroy him, it may, and break him, it will.


I just hope nothing breaks yet. Not so soon. 

Do excuse the lack of posts due to my final exams for first year, or First Professional M.B.B.S Examination. It was definitely on another level of "examination" than I was formerly familiar with, I'll give it that. It's probably the first time I've had 5 papers, consecutively, every day from Monday to Friday. There are few things more draining, and not just in one sense. The mental strain, the constant internal struggle for control, the isolation from loved ones... The list goes on. 

As one would expect, the resulting backlash after the exams finish  is... Overpowering. The resulting sense of liberation and freedom is such a powerful rush that at first, it leaves nothing but a void. However, it quickly fills up with anything and everything that it encounters, the less productive the better.

I really thank God for guiding me through that trying time, and for all the precious people he placed around me, and the support and strength they lent me, on which I was borne when my own had long grown cold.

Now that's over, let's get back to where we left off. 

No cost too great.

Posted at at 5/18/2009 01:48:00 AM on Monday, May 18, 2009 by Posted by Glen |   | Filed under:

Judging from the time of this post, you can probably guess which side of sleep I'm making this post from. Yeah, it's really getting stressful.


The worst part is, sometimes I find I'm not feeling enough stress to be able to keep up with the revision demands expected of me, with the amount of material there is to cover. Perhaps I really need to pile on pressure to make myself work.

Then again, after a while, you realise the pressure is real.

Like everyone else, can't wait for all this to be over. I can't do this kind of studying, rote and mundane, yet do it I must. I suppose, at the same time, I have a lot to look forward to once the exams are done... For one, the girl finishes off her job at around the same time, and I'm glad she is. Noxious work environments aren't good for anyone, but her most of all. 

And to you, who has been so helpful, supportive, and understanding during this period, even in the midst of your own struggles, thank you. Thank you for the late nights, the morning coffees, and the warm company; the tight embraces, and soft kisses. You've given me a reason. Thank you, for you.

Back to the books. 6 days left to exams, and 10 to liberation. 

You're the last piece.

Posted at at 5/05/2009 05:50:00 AM on Tuesday, May 5, 2009 by Posted by Glen |   | Filed under:
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