Take my hand, take a breath
Pull me close and take one step
Keep your eyes locked on mine,
And let the music be your guide.

Won't you promise me (now won't you promise me, that you'll never forget)
We'll keep dancing (to keep dancing) wherever we go next

It's like catching lightning the chances of finding someone like you
It's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do
And with every step together, we just keep on getting better
So can I have this dance (can I have this dance)
Can I have this dance

--------------------

Hmm, odd observation I made the other day, while I was thinking. I seem to be doing that a bit lately. It seems that, whenever I'm thrust from one environment into another, I automatically default to those around me as a representation of my previous habitation. This has held true not only once, but twice now. The sad truth is, I myself do not truly embody either culture that I've transitioned to and from. As a result, sometimes I wonder if I'm warping the minds of those around me, by constantly making weak references to the culture I was formerly from, when in truth I am, myself, far from a true exemplification of anything close to it. 

Which begs the question, what am I then, and what do I symbolise? 

I am an erratic fusion of cultures, of races, of faces. I am the man who lives on the border. I am the mutant fruitloop in your spoon. I am the unstable concoction over the counter. I am bitter, sweet, and even sour. I am the mustang in a field of towers. I am a Hybrid.

Chinese New Year was pretty eventful, compared to last year's anyway. Non-stop, and before I knew it, there went the long weekend, in a puff of smoke and too few red packets. I've long since got used to the fact that I never did get much out of Chinese New Year, due to the halved revenue gains (none from dad's side~) and all that. Still, it was somehow more enjoyable than the last. Probably because I'm not in the army anymore. And a few other things. 

I'm definitely glad for the break though, I really have trouble keeping up with Biochem. Rote memorise much? Don't even ask. On the plus side, the Europe trip plans are really coming together, but we're rate-limited (omg, I hate biochem) by the travel agents and/or plane ticket prices, which will, at this rate, consume too large a proportion of our budget. 

The Chinese New Year celebrations continue through to this Saturday, and I'll probably be over at Lynette's place for dinner, with some of her friends (who, despite my initial apprehension, seemed pretty nice... Last time we met, at least >.>). I'm still full of CNY goodies from aunt's place and the partying into the night. Dota with cousin was good though, it's not often I get good games, what with a fail connection like this one at NUS. 

I just got my results, and frankly they really are quite bad. I expected them to be, I suppose, but falling into bottom 10% of the class bracket is really something to worry about. Definitely need to pick up on the studying. Which is why I don't know why I just can't find the motivation to do so. I blame Biochem. Still, I'm looking at improving my standing (hopefully) for the next CA. We shall see. 

Need to sleep now, before I oversleep again, zzz.

新年快乐.

Posted at at 1/29/2009 10:46:00 PM on Thursday, January 29, 2009 by Posted by Glen |   | Filed under:

If a picture paints a thousand words, 
Then why can't I paint you? 
The words will never show the you I've come to know. 
If a face could launch a thousand ships, 
Then where am I to go? 
There's no one home but you, 
You're all that's left me too. 
And when my love for life is running dry, 
You come and pour yourself on me. 

If a man could be two places at one time, 
I'd be with you. 
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way. 
If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die, 
I'd spend the end with you. 
And when the world was through, 
Then one by one the stars would all go out, 
Then you and I would simply fly away 

--------------------

The week's just gone by, such that I've even forgotten to post up 'til now. I think my inside's been all spun up and tossed about, so much so that I question how... Objectively... This post will come out. I think my blog needs a new name. 

School's been... Constant. We started Biochem again, the subject that was my bane in the first CA, and is now come back to haunt me. The way Singaporeans study this is appaling. How can they expect us to mass memorise massive amounts of information with little or no context at all? I think that's a major difference between the education system here and in Australia. There, the focus is on understanding, here it just appears to be rote. I think that's one of my problems: I can't just memorise stuff that mean nothing to me, and that I can't place in a larger network of understanding that makes up my brain. I'm just not as good as some of the people here, and frankly I find it quite scary, how people manage it as if it didn't make a difference to them. 

Well, it's been some journey so far. It's felt like a long-travelled road, but then again like it's been no time at all. Sometimes I've given the idea too much thought, other times I never gave enough, but what do you know, before I knew it, here's relationship knocking on my door. Inexperienced as I am (and proud of it), I'm willing to admit that I really don't have any idea. Some say I'm too conservative, others that I'm too liberal, but I suppose, to me at least, I treat this sort of thing seriously. This is, after all, someone elses life one's dealing with, not some toy, some computer, or hell, even oneself. Hence, do excuse me if I revert to my serious mode, because it is only with real considerations that I snap out of my usually uncaring, un-planning self, and really deliberate and mull over situations, at my own pace, in my own time. The philosophy of course being, it's better sometimes to take more time with decisions, and eventually make the right one. Consequently, it also allows for certain issues or discrepancies to be settled beforehand. I wonder at myself sometimes... Despite my randomness and apparent nonchalance, I'm still suddenly shown situations where I can't bring myself to move any faster. My brain just speed-limits it, so more time gets spent turning it over and analysing it, subsconsciously or consciously. What a killjoy. But then, it's for the better eventually. Says the brain. At least this time the brain probably isn't strong enough to do anything more, except slow it down. I believe it got overpowered, quite completely and irrevocably. 

By the way, I highly recommend reading Twilight - Stephenie Meyer, to anyone who hasn't read it. And no, it's not just for tween girls. I actually liked it a lot, and if you bear reading this blog, it's definitely worth your while. Can't say the same for the movie, I haven't seen it, and don't have any immediate intentions to. I've normally read most books before their respective movies suddenly appear in cinemas, but this one caught me by surprise. I blame my sudden lapse in leisure reading, which I'm slowly getting back into. Very few things are better than a good book, combined with the time to read it. 

Plans for the Europe trip are definitely getting underway, it's all quite exciting really. Almost as exciting as my trip back to Melbourne this time around. We're looking at around three weeks in July, spanning Germany, Italy and France mainly. It's just a Western Europe trip, we're backpacking with limited budgets, so... Still, we'll probably get to see and go the places I've wanted to for ages growing up. I've never been to any other part of Europe except the UK, and that was when I was too young anyway. 

City Harvest has a Chinese New Year service on Saturday, instead of Sunday due to reunion dinners and Chinese New Year's Eve. I'm particularly thrilled about this week's service, what with such a significant part of my life teetering on the edge and all. 

Random observation (one of the few I'm capable of making still), when I get close to someone, I inherit their music. Beautifully fresh. 

Byebye.

Posted at at 1/22/2009 05:10:00 PM on Thursday, January 22, 2009 by Posted by Glen |   | Filed under:

I'm just a girl 
I'm innocent come take my hand 
I'll show you the world of my own 

You're just a boy 
Who makes me weak who takes my sleep 
I need you to dance the night away 

I can't stand it anymore now baby 
The music makes me feel so crazy 
So come on and take my hand 
And I'll show you the way to dance 
And again and again I need that feeling 
'Cause baby I know I'm not dreaming 
So come on and take my hand 
And I'll show you the promised land

--------------------

I don't really know how to attach a descriptor to this week. Some parts have just felt like a dream altogether, and some dreams have felt too real. Everything seems so surreal, and yet some things feel more tangible than they ever have. How do you describe what it's like to feel so alive that you get disorientated? How about the reason why the sun seems to shine brighter, the birds seem to sing better, and food doesn't even taste the same? What about the reasons why you can't sleep at night, despite how absurdly tired you are? Or why when you do get to sleep, you aren't even left alone then?

Yeah, it's been quite a week.

School's been strangely alright, despite what I tell people normally. Maybe it's the fact that the Uni internet is sucking so badly at the moment that I can't even play WoW or Dota without lagging badly enough to put me off it. I'm really going to need an answer to this one. Anyway, as a result (and also a mix of other factors), I've been managing to read up more from the textbooks and revise more regularly than I'm used to. The result? I actually seem to have some idea of the things they talk about in lectures now... Incredible! Could it be that... Reading up beforehand works!?

But honestly, not being able to play WoW (especially for the raids, where I'm actually needed) properly is not a good thing at all. I've tried a host of solutions, mostly to no avail. Lowerping (WoW tunneling), routing through a virtual machine, you name it. The conclusion is that NUS internet just EPIC FAILS. This leaves me with either: having to go to a LAN shop somewhere to raid (terrible, hate the idea, can't be bothered, my addons aren't there, my UI isn't done, my mouse/ settings/ keybinds aren't there, I have no idea where the nearest LAN shop is, how will I get back when raids end at 1am and still wake up for school?), OR, the alternative: Get 3.5G WiFi (Mobile wireless internet connection), for the low price of $40 a month. Huzzah. You can either die, pay 3 times the price I'm paying now just to play WoW, or quit. Spoilt for choice. 

Angsty rant inc. 

Ok, Hokkien classes are officially FAIL too. I honestly don't know what I was expecting when I signed up for them, but seriously I shouldn't have expected better than this. Hokkien is Chinese dialect, an alternative commonly spoken by the older generation of Chinese Singaporeans in preference to Mandarin, the common ethnic language now (apart from English). The dialect is coarse. It was made to be coarse, and always will be. Now, guess what happens when the lazy Hokkien teacher (who, by the way, is getting paid loads per lesson we take) decides to use her Mandarin notes to teach us Hokkien. Alright fine, since Hokkien is a spin-off of Mandarin, I gave her a chance. Guess what we ended up with? She doesn't have any teaching style whatsoever, other than to go through lists of words, telling us how they're said in Hokkien. Oh yes, and of course, repeating it back to her as a class. I love how helpful that is for us to communicate with patients in the wards in future (the entire point of this exercise). She then proceeds to go through politically correctly formed phrases and sentences (made for Mandarin students), and do a literal, direct translation to Hokkien. The result? Some extremely oddly formed, overly long and convoluted sentences in Pretty Damn Advanced Hokkien, and in formal narrative, completely inappropriate. Take for example this sentence in Mandarin (translated, of course): "Don't worry, there shouldn't be a problem. But you will be required to take further medical check-ups and examinations." The spoken Hokkien equivalent? "Nah, it's cool. But cya later." Oh, and did I mention the irritating habit of this old lady teacher of not pronouncing her words? She has this annoying tendency of rolling words off her tongue, such that the letters and pronounciation at the periphery, especially the first and last letters, are so muffled as to be indecipherable, except perhaps by lipreading. Given, perhaps the first and last letters aren't relevant in Hokkien (what kind of messed up language...), but still. You have no idea how irritating it is when she seems to keep changing the way a word is pronounced. Wondering if I should have bothered. 

Excuse the rant, but I had to get that out. 

Hmm, it's actually been quite a while since I spent my school weekends out and about and without express reason to, instead of in my room doing various things, including slacking/ gaming/ notstudying. But it was great fun... Really enjoyed myself, more than I have for a while. I forsee big lifestyle changes incoming.

Good night.

So, is this what they call love?

Posted at at 1/14/2009 07:28:00 PM on Wednesday, January 14, 2009 by Posted by Glen |   | Filed under:

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it’s never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
‘Cause you can’t rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin’ stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day
and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce of memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you’re dreamin’ of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day

---------------------

So it's the end of the first week of school. I need to coin a term for the feeling that hangs in the pit of your stomach as you transition from a holiday period/mood back into the routine of school and classes. If there isn't one already. 

School's been average, first day was absolutely killer though. Just like them to overload us with the information in the "introductory" lecture. I fell asleep. While that might not have been entirely due to the substance of the lecture, it still had a part to play. Definitely. Ok fine, so I slept a bit late. No excuse though, I wouldn't have slept if it was interesting enough! 

Went to Jack's Place on Monday for dinner, which was really nice... Sort of a psuedo-birthday dinner on my parent's part for me, since they'll miss my birthday this March, on the 24th. I guess it was the last real dinner I had with them, just the four of us, the family. It was a nice feeling, and the steak was perfect. I'm definitely going to miss the food when they're gone though... Absolutely cannot afford to eat that kind of dinner, much as I miss western food. Maybe on occasion. And I'm definitely not going to restaurants alone. 

CG leader from VCF (Varsity Christian Fellowship), a CF in University, asked me to help him to the praise and worship on Tuesday, choosing songs and playing the guitar. I declined him the last time, and I suppose I'm not actually terrible at the guitar anymore, so I didn't have any excuse not to. Sort of went ok, apart from me dropping the pick halfway through the last song -.-"... It's seriously been too long since I played for anyone in public. Think 4 years+. Going to VCF also got me thinking about ministry... I've been here for a year now, and I'm still not serving anywhere, in church or otherwise. It's about time I started to seriously think about what I can do.

Mum, dad and sis left on Wednesday... Pretty emotional episode, as usual. I find it a little sad myself that seeing them leave everytime gets easier each time, though something tells me it's getting harder for them. Which then leaves me feeling indebted somewhat, with no sincere way to do anything. Had dinner with them at the airport, along with two aunts and my cousin -.-" wasn't quite what I expected of my last dinner with them... But oh well, you learn to share =P and so the next time I'll be seeing them is probably in the mid-year holidays. Looking forward, sort of.

It's incredibly late, just a short post/update. MSN can really make time disappear... But I love it. Lynnette lent me Twilight, which I plan to get to reading... Ok I just realised there are two Lyn(n)ettes appearing on my blog, lol. To clarify: Lynnette is a medical student, and an Orientation Group-mate, whom I met at Medicamp. Lynette (note the lack of an "n"), I've known since my primary school days, and is quite easily my oldest friend with whom I still keep in contact with. Which by the way really says something. Thank goodness for the difference in spelling huh, I'd hate having to give people nicknames for something like that -.-" though phonetically there's no difference...

Which reminds me! The OG has been talking about planning a Europe trip this mid-year holidays too, and preparations are finally underway. Should be an experience to remember. Any recommendations for places to go, or travel guides in that direction is appreciated =). 

Good night.

Posted at at 1/10/2009 12:57:00 AM on Saturday, January 10, 2009 by Posted by Glen |   | Filed under:

Living in my own world
Didn't understand
That anything can happen
When you take a chance
I never believed in
What I couldn't see
I never opened my heart
To all the possibilities
I know that something has changed
Never felt this way
And right here tonight

This could be the start
Of something new
It feels so right
To be here with you
And now looking in your eyes
I feel in my heart
The start of something new

--------------------

And so ends the entirely too short and unfair waytoabusenewsystem holidays. Seriously, half of what normal people get? That's pushing it yo. We're still first years! Give us a break! Hell, the rest of the university doesn't even start until next week -.-".

Truly, this holiday has gone down as probably the busiest school holiday I've ever had in an incredibly long time. Adding it up, I believe I've been out more than I've stayed in. Over 50% outside. That's on a standard 24 hour cycle, and when you think about it, it really is a lot. For me, anyway. On reflection, it appears my theory was true in this case. For once, this really appears to have been a holiday well spent, without much room for regrets (not enough time tends to be a good enough reason for socially inept little me), and full of memories. But then again, I can be terribly, terribly biased. I need to find other test subjects for my odd theories.

Ever felt like you've been thrown, nay, jumped into the deep end, and don't know what to do? What do you do when the water just looks so inviting, but you're not sure you can swim? Before, I would have gone with going for swimming lessons, coming back sometime and hoping for a day as good as this one to hop into the water. The me of today just jumps, acknowledging that days like these don't just come around. Which leads us back to the first question. I'm still floundering. 

I haven't been reading enough, really need to catch up with that. And I don't mean school books. I've got a book that's so overdue from the library that I could probably have bought it by now, and an ever-growing list of books to read, each new one better and more important than the last. Once again, my gaming has to take the hit. 

My parents and sister are leaving on Wednesday. While I felt initially that perhaps I haven't been spending enough time with them on this trip back, I think I've made it up, especially in the last week or two. Really appreciate how they've centered their trip around me and the stuff I have to do/want to do as well, it really takes a lot of love and understanding on their part, and for that, they deserve my utmost respect and thanks. Hopefully I'll see them again sometime middle of the year, when I make a trip, with a twist, back to Melbourne. It's kind of nice, in a weird sadistic way, getting dragged around shopping, as much as shopping generally doesn't appeal to me.

I've got to sleep early, school's tomorrow and things need to get done all over again. Resolution: Study harder smarter. Pre-reading for lectures!? Let's see how long I can keep that up.

Cya.

Posted at at 1/04/2009 11:08:00 PM on Sunday, January 4, 2009 by Posted by Glen |   | Filed under:

Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Moments so dear
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure - Measure A Year?

In Daylights, In Sunsets
In Midnights, In Cups Of Coffee
In Inches, In Miles
In Laughter, In Strife

In - Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure
A Year In The Life?

How About Love?
How About Love?
How About Love?
Measure In Love

Seasons of Love.

--------------------

When it comes down to it, I realised I'm a little lost when it comes to the whole new year reflections/resolutions thing. It's... Not for me I guess. However, for probably one of the first times ever, we discussed those very things, seriously, over New Year's dinner. So perhaps I'm not completely lost in doing this post, I realise a lot of the things that came out last night are pretty true. 

By the way, dinner last night with my parents at CHIJMES was lovely, albeit a little loud for my taste. Too much of the party atmosphere for me to stomach... But then again, which public place wouldn't be submersed in the throes of racous enjoyment on a night like the 31st of December. 

The past year has been so rife with trials and strife (lol rhyme) that I don't even think I can recall some portions of it properly. I attribute it to my strangely convoluted memory access mechanisms in this respect. I don't know how many of you are familiar with the feeling of drastic life changes, but I'll attempt to explain. As an example closer to home, think about the last time when you shifted school or job. Actually, don't bother... I don't think anyone will get this anyway ><. Well what happens with me is when I transition into another stage of life, and out from my previous "life", the memories from that period get catalogued, organised, and filed away together, pushed to the back of my mind. As a result, I have to actively access those memories when required - it isn't in the buffer that contains the instantly accessible memories. Which is why when someone makes a reference to something that happened in another "life", I actually have to incite an active recall and think before I can respond. This is by no means true for everything, of course there are the few memories I can remember from childhood for example that will stay in my RAM (screw it, resorting to computer analogies) forever, but for the most part I'm starting to believe this outlandish theory. 

Now, why is all this relevant? In the past two years or so, it feels like I've lived three different lives (I'll include the year before as well, it's one part of it). There was my final year of school in Melbourne, then half a year in the army here, and then half a year in University, Med school. In short, it's been a crazy, segmented, roller-coaster two years, with no time for anything else really. At least finally, this next year should be better, in the sense that I'll actually be settling down again, and no more of the painful adjustments over and over again. On a side note, I think the slew of changes I've had to adapt to has had an impact on my personality too. Looking back, I'm definitely much less inclined to stick to anything fixed or routine. Maybe it's a good thing. Anyway, definitely looking forward to the next year, I'm expecting much =)

Well, as a result of all the stuff this past year, I've grown closer to God as a result too. Sometimes it takes challenges and trials in order for us to truly allow and see God move in our lives. Really thankful for all the times He pulled me together and through whatever it was I needed to do. Looking forward to the next year with even greater expectations and anticipation for what God is going to do in my life. It's been some journey, and it's far from over.

Also, thinking back to the beginning of last year (yes, thinking back is an active effort), I realise I would never have imagined that I'd be where I am today. I'm always used to some degree of predictability, but this time life just decided to twist me around. But the year's definitely been great as a whole, and is still continuing to be into the New Year =). There are some things I would have missed had things not happened this way, and I wouldn't even have known it... So thank you for all the laughter and the fun, the company and friendship, the love and the life. I wouldn't have missed them for the world. And if you're reading this, you were probably a part of it, and if you think it's you, then you still are ; )

I think this year has seen the most growth in the number of MSN contacts I have, ever. But what do you expect I suppose, when you pass through so quickly from one life to the next, it's all you can do to hold on to the shreds before you're whisked away again. And the concept of facebook rises arises again. But maybe I've finally found the reason to start one this new year...

Well, to everyone out there, the old friends and new: welcome to the next level. New years are cool like that, it's like a universal birthday, of sorts. 

Happy 2009~.

Cruel Angel Thesis.

Posted at at 1/01/2009 12:05:00 PM on Thursday, January 1, 2009 by Posted by Glen |   | Filed under:
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