Quick post before I have my first and most important visitor! I've been wanting to do this remake for a while now, but I've never got around to doing it... Probably due to the absence of factors motivating me to make such a dramatic change in my somewhat stable online persona (okay, subjective, but never mind). 

Then that moment came, and everything changed, for life on the outside. It only feels natural that it should be reflected here, where my thoughts and emotions go down, sometimes raw, sometimes stewed, and sometimes deep fried.

Here's to you, love.

Crying, dying world.

Nightmares and uncertainty,

Cold and chaotic.

Darkness enshrouding, black storms

Rage, death on the horizon.

Burst of colour, ray of

Light. Purity and beauty

So precious, fragile.

Time stops. Holding this moment

Forever, never let go.

Dawn breaks; the world, a

New shade. Promises and hugs,

Whispers and trust, sweet

Kisses in quiet places.

Take me, Love, carry me home.

Watch this space.

19/04/09

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Stress is really piling on. School's almost ended, and everything's coming together for one last final push for the final exams, mid-May. Yet amidst all the trying situations and self-control struggles, there's a peace, and a calm on the inside. And there's you, who brightens a day while at it's darkest, whose smile chases troubles away. And right at the centre of it all, standing with you, I know it's going to be alright.

My grandparents stopped by this week in Singapore (dad's side), so meeting up with them was quite interesting. It's always been pretty awkward I thought, having dinner, just by myself with my grandparents, but it somehow turns out alright... They aren't really fazed by silences, and neither am I, so I just enjoyed the dinner (buffet ftw). Honestly, as my grandparents get older, it's more difficult each time, always wondering if it will be the last time you see either one of them. Not a pleasant thought, but eventually one that will be true, sad as it is. Many people seem to avoid death as a topic of conversation (like death, pun intended, not), but I find that ironic. Why would you fear that which comes to all eventually. Especially for grandparents, who have lived a long and fulfilling life,and death is the logical next step. The best we can do, is treasure those we love around us while we still can. Really changes your perception of the aged, or anyone really, doesn't it?

It seems, I really don't have any idea when it comes to really drawing close, to loving someone. It appears that I'm too free with my praises, to sweet with my words, and who knows what else I'm getting wrong. Maybe following your heart to the letter isn't the best way... Or is it? I'm a fast learner, or so I believed... We'll see if I'll be able to pick up and modify, if it's really required in the first place.

Just a quick post, I'm off to bed. Not much time to post these days... Okay fine, I'm just not making time. But really, there just isn't much to post. Am I withdrawing?! I forsee my posting style evolving in the imminent future. Not like anyone wants to read my personal recounts... Not like I want to post them all up here =P.

Night.

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So here I am again, hovering in the space between earth and sky, heaven and hell. Purgatory to some, the void to others. Don't know how I got here, only that it had something to do with you. Don't know how I'll get out, only that maybe, one day, you'll save me from this empty place. So I'll wait, and I'll be holding on, until that day. And if it takes forever, then forever here I'll stay. 

I'm different, too. You aren't the only one. Unlike the rest, I'm not going to coax you down, like anyone else would, like you'd expect me to. I only ask that you let me up. I'm not asking you to come out, only that you let me in. I'm standing alone outside the cold, stone walls of a castle so far away from civillisation, with a lyre in hand and fresh flowers, a serenade in my mouth and a longing in my heart, my soul bare. Shut me in, lock me up, but as long as you stay with me, who needs the outside? Two is company, but one is only alone.

I realise I don't handle my emotions very well. I'm too easily touched, overly sensitive to the affairs of my heart. I swear, I never used to cry this much in a year. Nutcase? Perhaps. Emo kid? Probably. But when it comes, I can't stop it for the world, like nothing I've ever felt before. All that is alright, except for one thing. I happen to be a guy. Guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially not anywhere near as easily or for the same reasons. The poor brain's too fried to be of help either, it overheated and died in the first wave of emotions this strong.

Do you know what it feels like to pour out your heart? It's tiring, and draining, like nothing I've ever done before (think 3 days without sleep), but at the end, I'm glad I did it. With all my cards on the table, I can sit back and enjoy the cigar, the ambience and the drink, because for me, there's nothing more to play, only to wait for the end, since I have no more turns. As to how it all ends, that's up to the cards still in your own hands, and how you choose to play them. Take your time, there's no pressure. My cards aren't going to change, although my cigar might end, my drink empty, and the band finish performing. But I'll be sitting at this table, as long as you still are.

We had our last clinical session yesterday, and that was the last for this academic year (the rest of this half). I must say, it was quite an experience getting involved with patients so early in the course, and I'm really thankful for such a dedicated and helpful doctor. We gave him a cute bear, a trophy, and a card signed by us, which he'll really appreciate, I think. It was really nice of the girls too, to have thought up the idea. 

Been so tired, but there's a lot to be done. Prioritise, prioritise.

<3.