来た道と行き先　振り返ればいつでも　臆病な目をしていた僕
向き合いたい　でも　素直になれない
まっすぐに相手を愛せない日々を
繰り返しては　ひとりぼっちを嫌がったあの日の僕は
無傷のままで人を愛そうとしていた

千の夜をこえて　今あなたに会いに行こう
伝えなきゃならないことがある
愛されたい　でも　愛そうとしない
その繰り返しのなかを彷徨って
僕が見つけた答えは一つ　怖くたって
傷付いたって　好きな人には好きって伝えるんだ
その想いが叶わなくたって　好きな人に好きって伝える
それはこの世界で一番素敵なことさ

Kita michi to yukisaki furikaereba itsudemo okubyou na me 
wo shite ita boku
Mukiaitai demo sunao ni narenai
Massugu ni aite wo aisenai hibi wo
Kurikaeshite wa hitoribocchi wo iyagatte
Ano hi no boku wa mukizu na mama de hito wo aisou to
shite ita

Sen no yoru wo koete ima anata ni ai ni yukou
Tsutaenaka naranai koto ga aru
Aisaretai demo aisou to shinai
Sono kurikaeshi no naka wo samayotte
Boku ga mitsukatta kotae wa hitotsu kowakutatte 
kizutsuitatte
Suki na hito ni wa suki na tsutaeru n da
Sono omoi ga kanawanakutatte suki na hito ni suki na 
tsutaeru
Sore wa kono sekai de ichiban suteki na koto sa


On the path we came from and our destination, when we looked back, I’d always have timid eyes
I want to face you, but I can’t be honest
I, who repeated days of not being able to straightforwardly love my partner
And hated being alone on that day
Seemed to love people while unwounded

I’ll overcome the thousands of nights and go meet you now
There is something that I must tell you
I want to be loved, but you don’t seem to love me
I wander within that repetition
I found one answer; that even if I’m scared
Even if I’m hurt, I can say “I love you” to the person who I love
Even if those thoughts aren’t fulfilled, I can say “I love you” to the person who I love
It’s the most wonderful thing in this world


--------------------

So. I think that was the longest period I have gone without posting for, about a week. Why? Simply, there wasn't anything to post about. Life's been boring. Study. Play. Go out for tuition.

Oh yeah, I did go out and watch a movie, Evan Almighty (wasn't bad actually), with most of the gang. On Tuesday night after tuition, followed by a sleepover at David's place. Only the second time I went to his place, but it's really nice. Didn't get much sleep that night (obviously) and spent the next day or two recuperating. And then tuition again. By the way, all this tuition is only for Specialist Maths, arguably the hardest subject I'm doing at the moment (definitely the hardest maths there is in VCE).

Reason for such a short post today: Mock exams start tomorrow. Yay. Reflecting back, I haven't done much. At all. Which is a bad thing, considering I'll probably miss out on academic awards this year. Oh well, study for the real thing is more important after all. Right now I'm the most scared of English, half my preparation this holiday went into Spec and i'm actually quite confident now, for Paper 1 at least. Which is tomorrow. Together with English.

Got to love how the school times these things. So i've spent the whole of this weekend trying to rush-cram English. Not working. Despite my effort, I can barely remember any quotes at all from any two texts. But I think English is more of getting into the mood and feel of the text after all, the rest should come naturally. Surprise, I don't have that either.

I have to postpone my prac at uni because of these stupid exams. Super cannot be bothered calling them up. Sigh.

Back to cramming, sorry for the lacking post today (which no one will read anyway). More of an apology to my irresponsible self.

Good night.

Posted at at 9/30/2007 08:53:00 PM on Sunday, September 30, 2007 by Posted by Glen |   | Filed under:

I will promise myself I won't care
Distracting myself from your stare
And I’ve seen this mistake once before
With your games I will never fall for

I've hung up my guns
I won’t kill again

I won't forget you
I won't forget you
I'm not gonna let you win
(I’m not gonna)

--------------------

So... Looking at DAVID's blog... It seems that I've actually been lacking in my own blog posts of late. Well, in particular, the international camp.

International camp is actually a camp organised by the international committee at our school (Yes, you can tell we have a huge international student base). While all students are invited to this event, it's rather obvious that it is specifically for international students currently studying at our school. The sad thing is, while this camp would be the last for all the current Year 12s, I was really quite disappointed by the lack of participation in it by fellow Year 12s. The excuse given by most: "Chem SAC teh n3xt d4y OMFGZZ~!!11!oneone!eleven"

So, Ms. K, our overtly kind chemistry teacher, made an offer, just to international students in year 12 that they couldn't refuse. The camp officially goes from Monday to Tuesday afternoon. Our chemistry SAC was scheduled for the Wednesday. Ms. K asked: "So out of all the international students here, who are not going to the camp?" Next question: "Of those not going, how many of you aren't going because of the SAC?" Waves of unease. Murmurings within the international ranks. Half-hearted hands up.

Ultimatum: "Say I moved the Chemistry SAC to Friday, just for you guys, how many of you who aren't currently going would go?" Dead silence. Shifty eyes. Shuffling feet. Fidgeting hands. "Sigh." No more said. I half wanted to rail at them in chinese, but like, I didn't care enough. Just below the threshold. Oh well.

The camp itself was quite enjoyable, despite the clear division of the international students into their cliques. (A phenomenon that I expected would be slightly more diminished in a community such as one consisting only of students who primarily came here purely for studies, mostly without their family. Apparently not.) Still, cliques are good. Other than Emily's absence, I think that most of my friendship group turned up.

We did two trips, one to the aquarium, and one to Sovereign Hill, both of which were first times for me. Which earned me quite a shelling from David, who had been to each of the places multiple times, to say the least... But hey, what chance did I get? In my opinion, one can live in a place all their life and still not know it, or have been to any of it's attractions, or seen what it has to offer. That said, I thought the aquarium was nice... (Defensive tone). Sovereign Hill... Not to my taste, gold mines/dwarven activities hardly interest me (Nature for me please~) (Any offensive tags/guestbook posts will be severely repremanded, if not deleted). Still, it wasn't bad.

Our accomadation was none other than good old Clunes. The place of Legends, so to speak. In my three years at Wesley, I've heard no end about this mythical place, where etc. etc. (Avoiding lameness). Since it happened in year 9, I just missed it by a year. And from what I hear, I missed a lot. So, I finally got to see this "Clunes" that I had heard so much about. David kindly bothered to show me around, even pointing out precise locations where legends were kindled. I must say... It was a nice... Little... Town. Village. But the Clunes campus was quite nice, the size was just about what I had expected, not too large to be alienating, but not too small to be cramped.

David and I smuggled our laptops in (which were apparently contraband by none other than the friendly committee... (Friends)). Starcraft in the middle of the night was fun. Losing was hardly so, but still. Anime with Kylie and Greg and David was also good. We managed to get an anime we found interesting from Manifest (courtesy David), Sumomo Mo Momo Mo.

After only getting 3 hours of sleep that night, I was really quite dead for the rest of the next day, which consisted of packing up (oh, the horror), Sovereign Hill (meh) and long bus rides. I was out of all of them. I really don't think I was myself. Like, more blur than the usual me. Which is really blur.

Oh yeah, the Chem SAC/lesson the next day... Meh. Overrated.

So this past week, while I should have been studying... I have, so far, completed... Half a subject, academically of course. I think I accomplished quite a lot OUT of academics, but that is beside the point (partly explains my slack attitude towards posting lately, though). This leaves me with one week until the mock exams. Sadly, academic awards at the end of the year are BASED on the mock exam results (retarded). Perhaps I should try harder. 1 week isn't much time though. I really need to get some restrictions up for myself before I mess myself up big time.

By the way. This post was done while waiting to get into Dota with the guys, which I was late for due to going out for dinner. Sad huh.

Cya.

Posted at at 9/22/2007 08:56:00 PM on Saturday, September 22, 2007 by Posted by Glen |   | Filed under:

Despite the lies that you're making
Your love is mine for the taking
My love is just waiting
To turn your tears to roses

I will be the one that's gonna hold you
I will be the one that you run to
My love is a burning, consuming fire

No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes I'll light the night with stars
Hear the whispers in the dark
No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes you know I'm never far
Hear the whispers in the dark
Whispers in the dark

--------------------

Quick post, tomorrow I have to be up at normal school time (very early.) for the INTERNATIONAL CAMP :D, Kylie and I going to help Ji-yoon with the preparations and stuff. It IS a lot of work for a tiny girl like her after all...

The anime festival yesterday was amazing. I've never really been to one, and it was really as good as they sound. People actually cosplayed, a lot. Despite the 2 hour queue at the beginning, I think that was actually quite a key part of the event... Because by standing out in the open with nothing to do, you start noticing everyone around. And the myriad of colourful costumes created specifically to resemble anime characters. What was cool was that between the group of us (David, Chris, Ji-yoon, Greg, Kylie and myself), we were able to identify easily more than half of what people were cosplaying... Quite satisfying in a sense.

The AMV component of the day was, in my opinion, the best part of the whole day. It consisted of a bunch of user submitted AMVs of various anime's generally with the focus on a specific one in each clip. They each went with a song, and the sync of the chosen scenes with the song was really important too. Honestly, that was so motivating that I pulled out a pen and started taking down anime/song names. That's how motivating it was. And some videos were just flawless. Perfect editing, magnificent scene/song selection just made you want to watch the anime.

After going to the anime fest, I think we all just got hit by anime fever. A new fire and motivation to watch anime burns anew! Terrible timing really, what with exams coming in... NO I refuse to count. But anyway, it's time to start downloading again :D... Btw, I suddenly felt the urge to watch Full Metal Alchemist again, which David has, unfortunately, lost (?). Hope he finds it :(... It IS kind of my bad too though, I have a few of his books I didn't return either >.<

There were also various other stations/activities we attended - drawing contests, previews of new release anime, DDR competitions, manga drawing classes, merchandise stores (of course) etc. All quite entertaining and fun. I even bought a T-shirt, kind of more as a momento than anything else. The tags that they gave us for entry (which we queued for 2 hours to get and even had our names on it) were really well done, and also serve as a sort of momento. Definitely a day that constitutes enough significance to embed itself into my memory for life. Only next time, we decided that we really should cosplay too :P. Too bad I won't be here next year for it... Oh well. Maybe I will.

Kylie took all the photos for us, so as yet I don't have them, but I will try to post them up ASAP. For now, I'm off to sleep and camp tomorrow, back Tuesday night.

Sayonara.

Posted at at 9/16/2007 10:22:00 PM on Sunday, September 16, 2007 by Posted by Glen |   | Filed under:

Sunrise
Sunrise
Looks like morning in your eyes
But the clock's held 9:15 for hours

Sunrise
Sunrise
Couldn't tempt us if it tried
Cuz the afternoon's already come and gone

And I said
Hooo, hooo, hooo
To you

--------------------

Tonight marked the beginning of the most hectic week up ahead since... Well, a very long time. Probably busier than any period of time in school ever was. But in a good sort of way, rather than in the evil dreaded way that we face the school equivalent of "busy" times.

So David, Lachlan, Chao and I made our way down to Tandoori Junction at Glen Waverley beneath an overcast and dreary sky that threatened to pour down on us at any time. The weather strangely reflected the feelings that went around tonight at the Debating Dinner though. We were kind of under-dressed, but that was part of the deal after all (they had to find SOME way to convince us to come). That being said, I think that it was really worth the effort. Strangely, up to this point, the end of school and school life has been looming, and I have just been continuing as if nothing happened, simply because I really felt like there was nothing to lose. But tonight proved me quite wrong. The sense of community was stronger than ever, and amidst the emotional speeches and deep feelings of gratitude, thankfulness and just blissful reflection, I really found that perhaps I was leaving something behind.

I suppose this is why they encourage you to get involved, even in Year 12. The realisation of what my friends and I had been a part of hit home like a bullet. Lauren is truly quite an amazing person, and I really can't think of anyone more suited to the role of debating prefect. She played that role pretty much flawlessly, even integrating her own style and sense into the entire plot. It turned out magnificently, and what a way to wrap the year up. There were reflections, "Oscars", hilarious moments and awards, recalled and laughed about all over again.

Despite the fact that our group never properly mixed into the group very much below surface acquaintances at all, simply the sense of belonging and achievement was more than enough bonding. The farewell for the Year 12s was especially sad.



This is our official debating flag, started by Lauren this year. We were the first batch to have our names put down in history as the first Year 12's to leave our mark on this flag. Perhaps, one day, umpteen years down the road, that flag might bring the emotion flooding back.

On reflection, it occurred to me that perhaps I should have got more involved in senior school life (stereotype huh), sadly true. Well, it's too late now. I did do quite a lot of things in the past few years, just not that much in this respect.

Overall, tonight, probably more than any other night, showed me the true worth of the effort we put into debating. Once again, a tribute to Lauren Waugh and the coordinators, as well as the council, for such a successful year. This one's going down in history.

Tomorrow is MANIFEST! Melbourne Anime Festival, it's big. And I have to leave for it in about 7 hours exactly. Yeah, I really should sleep, very soon. We expect to be out for at least 14 hours. I fear for my bank account.

I get sunday off, hopefully I get another post off (with pictures hopefully :P) before I then leave for International Camp for Monday and Tuesday. Yeah, you see why I'm busy >.<, and I really have to go now.

Cya.

Posted at at 9/14/2007 10:41:00 PM on Friday, September 14, 2007 by Posted by Glen |   | Filed under:

If you be my star
I’ll be your sky
You can hide underneath me and come out at night
When I turn jet black and you show off your light
I live to let you shine
I live to let you shine

But you can skyrocket away from me
And never come back if you find another galaxy
Far from here with more room to fly
Just leave me your stardust to remember you by

If you be my boat
I’ll be your sea
A depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity
Ebbing and flowing and pushed by a breeze
I live to make you free
I live to make you free

But you can set sail to the west if you want to
And past the horizon till I can’t even see you
Far from here where the beaches are wide
Just leave me your wake to remember you by

--------------------

My philosophy is that rules can be divided into two categories: First, there are the rules that are meant to be followed. Serious rules, if you will. The type that actually matter if they are followed or not, either in the eyes of a third party, or otherwise crucial to the lives of any involved. Second, there are the rules that should be followed, at your own discretion. Usually, it's a good idea to follow these too as they normally pertain to your self-preservation and are generally "for your own good".


The latter set of rules (I won't make the distinction between rules/laws/guidelines here) are, for the most part, not followed up on by the enforcers of the rest of the rules/law in it's entirety. Some common examples generally include things like eating while driving, buttoning your top button while wearing a tie (in a school setting) etc.


While these are technically meant to be followed and are punishable if not, it's generally understood that the authorities don't care enough about petty instances such as these to actually take any action, and it's mutually understood that when the time arises, and if someone knows they are mature enough to apply the rule where applicable, there really it ultimately loses the need to be even overseen at all, and the rule/law just serves as a reminder.


For anyone currently in my school, you probably know where this is going. I believe this is nothing more than an expression of the general consensus. It has been about three months since the reign of the iron hand fell upon the Maths Annex. The long forsaken rule of the prohibition of food and drink in the annex was once again taken up by a new tyrant (some random evil math's teacher lady), determined to enforce it with all her energy.


Side note: If this was an anime, in a few episodes time we would be taken into her past and shown what a messed up life she had/has, allowing the audience to feel some sympathy for her current condition, at least before she gets brutally massacred by the protagonist in a high-impact, adrenaline-pumped showdown.


Unfortunately, we aren't living in an anime, despite what any of you might think. Even if we were, dramatic irony is evil, and we probably won't ever get to know anything more about the evil that is slowly creeping, consuming the spirit of the maths annex. But we can infer, and it probably wouldn't be too far from the previous paragraph's predictions.


Trying to restrict food/drink, even water, yes water (talk about control freak), in the maths annex is a futile effort. It's like trying to crush a movement. It doesn't die. Whether she knows that or not is another story. Whenever she passes by, she wreaks havoc, destruction and chaos by sending people out, confiscating food and drink whenever she sees them. Of course, she's been picking on me a lot recently (hence the post). Perhaps its because I refuse to conform/hide and eat in the hope that she passes over. Fair enough, someone warns and she's coming, I'll hide my food. But I refuse to eat in fear! And here we are, everyday she pretty much comes looking for me, sends me out. Upon which I walk out, wait for her to disappear, and walk back in.


It actually started to get heated when she caught me a second time in the same day, whereupon she attempted to ban me from the annex for that day (lol, fat hope). So there was one point where I wasn't eating, and she decided to come and exercise her power over me by sending me out. I swear she has fun doing it. Not saying it isn't fun on my part either. She knows she can't really stop me, and it's quite plain in her eyes that she's just looking for people to obey her commands. My eyes just laugh back at her. I doubt she knows who I am *evil laugh*. It's hard to put the million comebacks that I get every time she comes to bully me behind and just smile and walk out, but I do it more out of respect of the fact that the rule actually exists than of any respect for her. The thing is, she is almost completely powerless over me, especially as we head into next term, making it even harder to resist the temptation.


Honestly, I don't think the state of the maths annex has improved in the aspect of the litter and cleanliness before and after the arrival of the oppressor. The only logical and socially acceptable reason for the re-enforcement of this rule is to improve that, if anything. They even tried removing the bin from that area. Stupid move. But even after realising that, this compulsive bitch still makes her rounds, obviously now just for her own kicks rather than for any greater good. Which then enables me to defy her demands, depriving her of her personal kicks. Which I intend to do some time before school ends, preferably towards the tail end. With water. Just because it would be funnier.


The things that stress does to you... Sigh. Petty issues get blown up so much. And now it's 1am. Tomorrow is the last day of the term, leaving us with exactly two weeks of schoo left. This series of SACs, the last one, is pretty much over. Just about one more to go, and that will be all. It feels good in a sense... Except then you look back, regret. Fall into the vicious cycle. Fail the exam. Turn emo. Fail at life.


*Shudder*


Good night.


The only thing that's worse than one is none.

Posted at at 9/13/2007 09:38:00 PM on Thursday, September 13, 2007 by Posted by Glen |   | Filed under:

Everyone's changing, I stay the same
I'm... a solo cello outside a chor-us
I've got a secret,
It's time for me to tell that you've been keeping me warm

Just sweet beginnings and bitter en-dings
In coffee city, we borrowed hea-ven
Don't give it back, I've never felt so wanted
Are you taking me home?

You tell me you have to go...

In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody needs to know

--------------------

Please forgive any apparent raving that happens in this post, as you can tell from the post time, it IS an ungodly hour. What I'm doing up, you know as much as I do. Actually, I've been playing games for the last few hours, at least I think I have. Rather sad state I'm in isn't it.

So I haven't been posting much... I blame how busy everything has suddenly become. I have had pretty much at least 1 SAC every day leading up to the end of term. Yup, you can tell from the previous posts the relative magnitude of each SAC, now think of about 10 days consecutively of them. Still wondering why I sound so numb? It's because I am.

The end of term comes at the end of the week, so in effect we're heading into the final week of term 3 tomorrow. Thanks to proper planning by my teachers, we all get SACs slammed into the end of the term, since there's only really 2 weeks of school next term, before the "study break" begins. Wishing for the holidays more than ever now, i've burnt out way too soon. There's still a week of SACs coming up. *Half hearted "hooo~"*

So here I am wasting time like anything, even started a new MMO (I know, I'm crazy. Damn you Chris.) not studying like I really should badly be for the barrage of SACs incoming. I really need help. So I'm slacking off in everything else, using studying as an excuse when, in effect, I'm hardly studying at all. Where is the time going?

Lynette, if you're still reading my blog (or anyone for that matter...), I really got to apologise for not keeping in touch and stuff. I know it kind of sounds like excuses, but that's really all I have. I'll contact you soon >.<>tomorrow (this morning?) Tomorrow should be dedicated to studying. If I can find the motivation... Which I have a fair idea of where I might find some.

Good morning.

Written in a card.

Posted at at 9/09/2007 01:03:00 AM on Sunday, September 9, 2007 by Posted by Glen |   | Filed under:

She never slows down.
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like its all coming down
She won't turn around
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

--------------------

So yesterday I was in the train on the way to tuition, with iPod in, leaning against wall in corner seat, anti-social style. Then I see this girl who looks incredibly familiar, but I can't say. She's got this HUGE pair of sunglasses on that pretty much obscured half her face. But then I saw her dad and knew it was Nicole from my church. I had once fixed their computer, but her dad doesn't go to church. So I sit up a bit straighter, and look directly at them to, sort of catch their eye? I don't know... But her dad looked straight past me like I wasn't there, or like he didn't recognise me, and I couldn't even tell where Nicole was looking, stupid sunglasses. Do you have any idea how hard it is to make eye contact with someone wearing sunglasses so huge you might as well block the sun itself with them instead? No idea where she's looking, facial expressions even invisible. Giant sunglasses need nerfs. Never knew what the deal is with them, still don't. In the end I managed to hold the father's gaze enough to wave hello, and after some brief conversation closed my eyes as if I went to sleep. It was the only way to exit the scenario safely really, since I initiated it in the first place. Sigh, social intricacies.

Later that day, took dad out for father's day dinner at Crown. Yes, Crown again. The place to go in Melbourne.











As you can see, I got a bit bored waiting for my parents arrived, so I just roamed around for a while after tuition. Almost felt like an RPG, all these doors going to goodness knows where. Except, in an RPG you actually kept walking until a guard or something stopped you.





Just some of the things we ordered for dinner at the "Waterfront" restaurant, the food was really quite good.

I was going to say something about the atmosphere, but I think you've had enough of my atmosphere analyses. It's just that it was really quite different from anywhere I've been, if you hung around and did nothing for long enough it's actually quite interesting. Nowhere in Singapore did I ever get that.

Anyway, today is father's day, though not anymore at the time of this writing. Would say thanks, but it's already been done. As if you guys would want to hear that stuff anyway.

A father got home one day, and was shocked to find his son's bed made, and room thouroughly tidied up. And propped up on a pillow was an envelope addressed: "Dad."

With trembling hands he opened it, and slowly scanned the contents. The letter read thus:

Dear Dad,

It has come to the point that I found that life here is no longer for me, and have decided to elope with my girlfriend. I know that we would not be able to peacefully be together while you and mum are in the picture, as I know that you would never approve of her numerous piercings, tattoos, as well as the fact that she is much older than I am.

Joan owns a trailer out in the woods, with plenty of firewood to last us the entire winter. I think hat it's time you let me make my own decisions, as I am 15 years old and more than capable of taking care of myself. Joan says that we will definitely be very happy together, and maybe some day I'll be back to show you our grandchildren.

Good bye,
John

P.S None of the above was true. I'm actually just over at my friend Tommy's place. I really wrote you this letter to show you that there are many worse things in life than the report card under my desk. I hope that you remember this as you open the results envelope. Call me as soon as it's safe to come home.

Love you Dad.

Lol. Good night.

Posted at at 9/02/2007 10:00:00 PM on Sunday, September 2, 2007 by Posted by Glen |   | Filed under:
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