--------------------

Season's greetings from here in Singapore! This year, I totally failed at culturing any festive mood in myself: the motivation was just not there. Focus has been anywhere but on Christmas, especially in a place like Singapore that isn't even a Christian country, where most people don't even know anything about Christmas except that it's a public holiday. Today at church I heard carols that I missed so much, never even had the time to revisit. Truly, they reminded me of good times past. Oh well.

Tonight it's back to camp, it's also probably the last time I'll see my parents for some time... Until March, at least. Quite sad. But there's nothing for it, I guess. The next book out will be on the 30th I believe, for New Year celebrations.

Well, the last 2 days I've been down with throat infections, feeling feverish etc. Only since I booked out of camp on the 23rd night. It's quite a bit better now, but my throat is still sore and the infection is still around. Zzz, it's all the stupid army's fault.

Short post today, got to head off to a family Christmas lunch, then I don't have much time after before I have to head off to Pasir Ris (extreme East side of Singapore) to catch the shuttle to the ferry terminal.

I'm starting to understand the logic behind things like shaving the heads of all recruits, the disallowance of any sort of accessory, the same uniform everyone has to wear etc. (Yes, I am bald now. Shut up.) The idea seems to be to minimise the personal traits of each person, emphasising on the idea that all individials should be made as alike as possible. Some psychological reasons I suppose, to "help" people to adapt.

Have to go now, had more to say, but maybe another time.

Merry Christmas!

--------------------

Surprise! It's some random Muslim public holiday today! And I got 24 hours off. Only a few hours left before I have report back.

From this, you can already infer a few things about what's been happening with me so far in NS and stuff. Firstly, due to a whole bunch of crap, I'm not really allowed to post much about how life is there etc. BS isn't it. Oh well. I'm starting to get used to things like that. But I'll try my best without breaching any of their lameness. Basically, stuff that everyone either already knows, or could find out easily.

To be exact, it's actually Hari Raya Haji, some random holiday that I didn't really know about. When I went off for my enlistment, it was a pleasant surprise to find that we were actually given this public holiday off, as well as 48 hours for Christmas. The pleasantness sort of ends there. Maybe.

I'm not going to name my company or anything else, probably get killed for it. But in terms of where I was posted, I must say I think I'm quite lucky. My superiors seem vaguely human, in the least. The horror stories of NS from those who passed before me seem irrelevant and far-fetched, too. That is, until I got a glimpse of other companies. Once again not saying anything, but it just made me glad I had the commanders I have. Really, thank God for that, this was something I was truly concerned about, feared even. God delivered of course, once again.

That said, military life still sucks. No details (this is annoying huh), but I think, especially for the first few days, the challenge hasn't been too much on the physical side. Instead, another factor has come in, which was probably the greatest challenge, and still will be for a while to come I assume. The words "mental stamina" probably don't mean much to many people: definitely not to me. Until I went into camp. The essence of what made life so difficult in the first few days was this: Can you live with a bunch of people who have complete power over you, and surrender pretty much all your rights into their hands? You basically have no rights other than those they find appropriate to award you. These can be relinquished at any time. Perhaps that made it clearer why having unreasonable commanders can drive one insane. Vulgar commanders don't make it much better. No more about that.

Living without freedom, true freedom (control-freak parents don't count), was probably the greatest test of my mental stamina in my life. I found my mind simply shutting itself down, refusing to comprehend or try to reason out the circumstance I had been placed in. In doing so, I think it made it possible for me to zombie on, forgetting what I was doing. And life went on. Do what I was told, don't ask why, and when done, wait for the next thing you're told. Can I get used to life like that? Probably. Can I live with it? No. I don't think it will ever be possible for me to truly live in such an environment. The restrictions on my mental capacity and other less physical aspects are simply too overpowering. The only prized qualities (that I can see) seem to be obedience, zeal, and physical fitness. There is really very little else that seems to count in the environment I'm living in. Frankly, I fear the damage it will do to my mental capacities, which does happen to be stronger than my physical aspect.

I do happen to have been placed among people possessing similar educational qualifications to mine, but there's still a difference. Fact wise, their probably smarter than me. But in terms of their general knowledge, I feel they're sorely lacking. This is a classic example of the contrast between educations in a country like Singapore, compared to somewhere like Australia. Simple example: (Filling up some form) "Are Catholics Christians?" Me: "Yeah." Other random: "No they're not!" Me: "Sigh++." They've been educated in an environment where things like religion and other aspects are barely touched on. I doubt they know anything about the fact that they're actually Protestants, like me, and Catholics are just another denomination of Christianity. Of course, the only things they know are from their own churches, who would of course tell them that Catholics aren't Christians (go go conservatives -.-"). Which they go on to believe. Nothing more on that: I'm just thankful that I didn't get some bunch of school drop-outs.

But through the actions of my company commanders, I think I'm slowly learning to handle living in such an environment. Can't really say anything, but my commanders really know what they're doing. And they understand the situation, possessing a measure of compassion on top of that. That makes for some powerful solutions to arise for myself and those around me to relieve the pain of innumerable negative emotions.

The physical aspect was just picking up before I left. It's been more lectures and things up to now, like introductions, opening addresses etc. Boring stuff. But better than training. Thankfully, it's progressive, and a program designed for those who failed the physical fitness like me. Hopefully it will be bearable.

Of the things I miss, number one on the list would be hot water showers, definitely. Always hated cold water. Still do. Close second is music. Yes, music. Apart from some super crap quality radio playing somewhere during meals, there pretty much isn't any music around. Why not bring in my ipod this time? No time to listen to it. Everything you do has a time limit. Not meeting the time limit means you die. Put it this way: Sometimes, you know from the start no one's going to make the time limit. That said, we have a grand total of 1 hour (relinquishable, of course) to attend to our personal matters. This includes calling anyone, using your phone, showering, brushing your teeth, shaving, packing, getting ready for the next day, washing your clothes, whatever else you need. Oh by the way, queues exist for showers, sinks and cubicles. Good luck, have fun.

I'm off, hope it doesn't get too bad in the next few days before christmas comes around. Next post then =)

OK OK! I know I'm avoiding the whole thing with the results. As yet, it's still classified information :P... Not going to release to the group of you yet, need a few more results from some key people ^^. Here's a clue: I felt the results weren't good enough, though I'm not necessarily disappointed: Rather, I'm annoyed because I believe I could have done better. However, if I attached my results to this post, I feel that many of you might rage at me. That said, my results might appear at a later stage... Watch this space ;)

Bye.

--------------------

So. Hello everyone. This is the last post I will make before I officially become an NS man, happening at about 11am on the 15th of December. Which happens to be today. Oh dear. Basically, 8-9 hours from now approximately, I'll be on aboard some sort of vessel on my way to Alcatraz. Ok, maybe it's not Alcatraz Bolvanger (lol!), but Pulau Tekong (An island off Singapore that features an NS "training facility") really does fit the bill though. Yeah, I'm going there to be living there pretty much for the next three months, until my physical training followed by Basic Military Training ends. And, as we all know, there wasn't a way out of Alcatraz. Or maybe there was: That's what i'm hoping for... At least giving me public holidays such as Christmas and New Year's off would be really nice (sad that i'm happy with just that).

Spent the last few days gathering the materials for the voyage, what's good in a way was that there wasn't much to pack: the army provides almost everything. Not like I'm going to be able to find military issue boots etc elsewhere anyway.

Over the last few days, my parents and sister flew into Singapore too, to see me off and spend until Christmas+ over here with relatives. So been meeting up and stuff. Not much really.

What am I feeling? No clue. I've often thought about this time, imagined and played the scene out many times in my head over the past few years... To the point where it's like i've been anaesthatised towards any such thoughts. But still, a prevailing sense of nervousness and fear of the unknown rises in me whenever my thoughts stir in that general direction. But I suppose that's natural, right? I've tried my best to let go of commitments and ties in "this life", both emotionally and mentally. For instance, I powerlevelled my ass so hard in WoW, determined to hit level 70 before entering the army. I just hit it this morning, after a month of gametime. Huge rush that was. But levelling from 60-70 in a month while still maintaining a life, migrating, followed shortly after by conscription into the National defence forces: I would say that wasn't a bad effort.

Anyway, tying off loose ends like those have helped to some extent prepare me mentally for the new life I will have to embrace, quite closely, for the next 2 years. I will begin reconnecting to the world again when the appropriate level and degree of freedom is afforded to me. Sounds like a plan huh? Either that, or I've turned into an estranged, soul-severed shell of a person. I sincerely hope the latter occurs only in my imagination. And I hope it stays that way.

Really don't know how I'll turn out at the end of this 3 months, which I assume will be the next time I'll be able to blog (Hey, it's better to prepare for the worst ^^ (for me anyway)). As David put it: Hopefully for the better. Need to concentrate on the product result and not the reaction journey.

Of all the things I'll miss in the camp, including people, places and the usual (Computer lol), I discovered recently that I might experience quite heavy withdrawals towards having no real access to music. Music is actually quite a large part of my life, again something I noticed in my brief move to Singapore in the last 2 weeks. Music addiction. Great.

Right, just wanted to wish all my friends headed off to Japan: Good journey (Wish I could have come)! Have fun ok? (Lol without me? Good luck.) Don't kill Greg~ (LOL crossing fingers~) Tell me all about it when I get back ^^.

To the rest of you in Melbourne! Good luck with your results!! (Oh, lol. Forgot to mention. My results come out in 2 days time. Perfect. I'll be in a camp, killing myself. Super worst time to get results ever.) Just relax ok? Just think of me, and be glad you even got access to the results lol!

To those in Singapore! Enjoy the rest of the holidays ok? Studying is good: Studying too much is not. Remember: prepare for the final year, but remember that the final year is there to prepare you too.

Alright, I should get going. Finalise my luggage (small one really), then sleep a little (if I manage any) (this post actually helped a lot =D), and then it's 54321 glhf~!!

This is Glen, AKA Geecee, signing off. (If you see Geecee on WoW, it's probably Hachi or Koshi pvping for me~)

/salute.

Into the rain.

--------------------

--------------------

Strangely, ever since I came here, it's been really hard for me to remember the things I want to say in my posts anymore. Sometimes something comes to mind, but I find it nearly impossible to hold that thought in my head throughout the day until the next time I blog. I do remember it was slightly more complex than the average topic though. Oh well. I bet you're all thankful I forgot =_=".

Well, few things have happened really, and yet I've been extremely busy. Looking back, how can I have nothing to blog about but been that busy? Maybe I'm just wasting more time in the day. It's an odd thing I noticed as I move from place to unfamiliar place. In places where I don't really feel at home, my time management skills seem to waver, and days just become shorter. Where does the time go? Could it just mean that I sit around doing nothing more...? Certainly doesn't feel like it =/.

Well, with regards to the issue with my hard drive and keyboard: We made a trip down to Funan Centre today (Computer/tech hub of Singapore, so to speak. Well, the high(er) end one anyway >.>), to see what could be done about the keyboard/drive. Many thanks to my aunt for sacrificing her whole Saturday morning, driving me first to CMPB to turn in submit my documents regarding NS, like my exit permit, and then taking me to Funan where we then proceeded to look for shops which seemed to cater to my needs. Apparently, the bracket of the key itself was broken, and a replacement would mean replacing the entire laptop keyboard, costing about $100. Come on, I'm so not paying that for a broken "a" key that WAS still usable, just with great difficulty. Ended up buying a basic USB keyboard for like $16 (Ok, that's still expensive but it's Logitec, and it's cool :D). Works just as well. My laptop isn't exactly going to be very mobile anyway (not that I anticipate).

As for the hard drive, thank God the drive itself didn't die: rather, the apparently cheap casing did. We eventually found a shop that agreed to test the drive to see if it still functioned: the guy who did it was pretty cool, he told me that the case was actually really cheap, especially for a drive of that calibre/capacity. Hey, it was cheap after all. But I got a new case, this time quite a proper one, cost like $60 but well, came with a 1 year warranty (Not that the other case didn't have a warranty, but I'm not about to fly/send it back to Australia to claim another cheap case).

Anyway! I'm typing this on the new keyboard, and it feels good to be back in business. Even if I only have another week.

Oh yes, I met up with Eugene on Friday, Alex and Jit Wei couldn't make it =(, so just went for lunch at Paragon, and then watched The Golden Compass. For all you Australian readers, lol wait a few more weeks for it to come out in the cinemas there. Not many people seem to realise this but it's actually based on book, which is the first of a trilogy. The name of the trilogy and the author escape me, but I do recall that the last book is called The Amber Spyglass or something like that. Anyway, it was pretty good I thought, quite a few stars in the cast too.

Apparently, the series and the books have strong anti-religious themes, not as strongly present in the film. Fair enough I suppose, but I'm not about to boycott it just because of that (as some email I recieved suggested). Where does that leave the Christian community at large if everything that suggests an alternative to our beliefs is simply ignored and shut away, so that the majority of the population of Christians don't even know why. "Oh it's bad for you." Reminds me too much of the old feuds between Catholics and Protestants for me to comply. Perhaps if you're unsure of your level of faith, or fear that it my sway or confuse you, then you have a reason. As mature Christians, are you sure the whole "closed mind" thing really works after a while? To me, it makes them look like idiots. No offence intended whatsoever. This view of Christians is then generalised by the public: and tah-dah! "Christianity? Lol." Very sad state we've come to, indeed.

Lol, enough about such dreary topics. I'm meeting up with Lynette on Monday...! It really feels like it's been forever since we last did. Really missed her quite a lot, probably the most during my stay in Australia. In terms of friends I'm in touch with, she's the one I've known for the longest time, from back in our primary school days =). Time and distance sort of came in, we lost touch for quite a while actually... Until my last trip here. She's the closest friend I have in Singapore, by quite a long shot in fact. Therefore, as you would expect, I look forward to this forthcoming Monday with great anticipation. and dread?

Tuesday is Hachiru's birthday party! It's a barbecue or something, but nothing's been finalised or sorted out yet etc... As you would expect from Hachi... For those who don't know! (Pretty much all of you bar one/a few) Hachi is and was my guildmate in WoW. Known him for quite a while now, and we've met before when I last came to Singapore. Him and Koshi (I don't know how to spell his full in-game name) are friends, so I got to meet him too. Cool guys =D, the barbecue should be fun too, assuming I actually get the info and stuff before the party is actually over -.-".

Sigh, I do apologise for my monster posts... I say there's nothing to say but then I rant on and on... Sumimasen~, I'll try harder next time T.T.

By the way... This new keyboard takes getting used to >.> The backspace is so small! The backslash is in the wrong place! The Enter button is HUGE! I don't have an "Fn" key! I have a NUMPAD! The Left Alt button is too close to the left side! The spacebar is too long! (These might make a bit more sense, and sound a bit more like bothers that need getting used to, if you PC game a lot :P).

Bye bye~.

--------------------

--------------------

--------------------

--------------------

It's not even 12 yet and I'm already tired. Well, perhaps this might explain it: I've been out since pretty much Sunday morning. And I didn't get much sleep.

I would like to dedicate this post to all of those who came to the farewell/psuedo-18th party. Hell, to all of those who came up with, organised and planned the entire party. It's not often one gets to celebrate a party without having to even bother with prior preparations and the major clean-up usually associated with the end of such parties. A rare opportunity indeed, and trust me friends to realise the value of such a gift.

Really, thanks so much guys, it was marvellous. I thoroughly enjoyed the day night time we spent together as a form of farewell to me. In many ways, I believe this has done a lot more than provide fun for everyone. Somehow, I feel that it also helped me finally subconsciously close a chapter of my life, and completed the preparations and rites that allowed me to move on from this point forward.

However, the say home's where the heart is, and I think this has helped me, more than ever, to realise that. While technically, only a small percentage of my life was spent knowing you guys over here, some for even shorter periods than others (extremely regrettably), I think a large proportion of my heart (that sounded really wrong) will always remain here with you guys, wherever I go. You've all shown dedication far surpassing anything anyone should expect from friends, and I salute this honourable gesture with pride indeed, that I may actually address you all thus.

To David, Kat, Kylie, Greg, Chris and Ji-Yoon, I love you all, it's been an honour and a privilege doing school with you, and to those who I didn't get to know in school (AnyQ (Ben lol) and Jack), well, it's been fun ^^ (there must be pretty strong reasons for them to have turned up despite not even being one of my schoolmates). One couldn't wish for better, an irreplacable bunch indeed, in more than just one aspect :P.

Rest assured that the card you all put so much effort into making will definitely be something treasured, a token attesting to and epitomising the strength of the bonds between us. I didn't even dare to properly read through the card, for fear of "manifestation". May it serve as a flame and light to lend me strength in the eminent darkness ahead.

I sort of felt guilty after everyone rather shamelessly pampered me throughout the entire outing, refusing me to pull out a cent from my pocket. That coupled with the fact that they did everything down to bookings, organisation, shopping, even opening up their home (<3>:D (only those who keep in touch, of course xD)

Well, for those who didn't turn up, for whatever reason, a brief summary of the events that transpired goes thus: We met up in the city, dropped our stuff off at Ji-yoon's, went for lunch at Koko at the Crown. We had a chef to cook the teppanyaki for us, and he was the coolest guy lol.

Apparently Kylie and Greg, who were walking around Crown to look for David and AnyQ (who were late as usual), bumped into my parents, who had stayed the night over there (refer to previous post O_O). This has yet to be confirmed. I require third party evidence.

After that, went for coffee, went shopping for alcohol (Yes, I know i'm not technically old enough yet, but hey, this is my 18th over here. Give me a break.) Brought it back to Ji-yoon's, lazed around, ordered pizzas, opened chips, played cards, drank, etc. David couldn't stay, so he left with AnyQ earlier, but it couldn't be helped I guess. Kylie was gone after a while, and I must say she's quite the comic in an alcohol induced state. All I can say: Ji-yoon is one of the mostt gracious hosts I know, and we're all definitely in her debt for her generousity and kindness =D. Eventually it was just me and Kat staying up and talking, with the others eventually nodding off. We took the small balcony Ji-yoon's city apartment offered, enjoying the breeze, quiet and company. And the comedy/("don't want to know" genre) unfolding before us through the glass doors of the balcony looking into the living room, where the rest of them sprawled.

Apparently Kylie and Greg, who were walking around Crown to look for David and AnyQ (who were late as usual), bumped into my parents, who had stayed the night over there (refer to previous post O_O). This has yet to be confirmed. I require third party evidence.

I eventually got to sleep, but it was unanimously agreed that we would not look at what time it was when we did. It was late morning by the time we got up. People started leaving, we did more of the general lazing around, played more cards, Ji-yoon and her sister cooked us a scrumptious Korean brunch, and then we were off too. By the time I got home, I had an hour to freshen up before I had to leave again for an orthodontic appointment. Oh, I forgot to mention... Remember the 2.4km I was meant to do on the morning before I left? Didn't happen. Sleeping in is a huge temptation, until too late. So that hour consisted of me running, then rushing off to the dentist. But that wasn't enough for my parents, no. Oh we had to go out for dinner at Sofia's. Family thing. Fine. Oh what's this? Still not enough? Now I have to drive back?! /rage.

Yes, so that was the brief concise summary of the last 2 days. On a side note, I'm still level 65 on WoW (Just hit it then), and the end draws close.

But after yesterday and today, I somehow feel more ready to take on any challenges that might be thrown at me. It's like a layer of apathy and hesitation has been shrugged off from my motivational machinery. You guys really don't know just how big the gift you gave was. In some ways I'm glad for that, that you'll never know it's true magnitude, and that if you did, I would really never be able to pay it back.

Farewell.

Thank you.

--------------------

--------------------

I can still taste the bile at the back of my throat from earlier. My parents decided that it would be better if I started preparing for NS now, and so have recently been putting pressure on me to establish a daily routine of exercise involving the treadmill. While I initially objected, quite strongly in fact, I began to see the benefits of such a system put in place, especially in the long term. And so I consented this afternoon, after my mum called on the way home from work yet again to get on the treadmill.

2.4km is the standard distance which is used in Singapore Physical Fitness Tests, and so I decided that might be a starting point. Then came the speed which I had to set. By my calculations, in order to pass the test I would need a speed of something like 10km/h, making it about a 15minute run. Sounds pretty reasonable right? I mean, 2.4km in 15 mins is a relatively average time I would assume, if not slightly below average.

The starting part was pretty easy, I kept pace, and then after about 3 minutes I started feeling the strain. Which was a lot sooner than I expected. Anyway, press on. By about 10 minutes I thought I was near death, but I resisted the urge to hit the button that would just reduce the speed. One thing about treadmills, their pretty motivational in the fact that you can see how much distance you've covered, and how much further you have to go. In my case, perhaps that worked against me.

By the time I was on the last 400m or so, I realised that if this was a real track I would be sprinting it. Somehow the aftereffects of putting such strain on my body seem to be reduced when I shorten the final circuit with a burst of speed. This wasn't really possible with the treadmill. Well, it probably wasn't a good thing to do either, even if the treadmill went that high. So I maintained the speed, and tried to keep my eyes on the distance counter, which was barely visible due to the obsessive amounts of perspiration I seem to produce.

Right after I hit 2.4km I stopped the machine, promptly proceeded to get off, tripped on the edge of the treadmill as my legs buckled under me, leaving me flat on the floor. I couldn't get up. 10 minutes later, I still couldn't get up. And then I tried, my legs felt odd, not to mention the pain and numbness engulfing me. After about one second, I thought I would make it to a semi-upright posture when my head felt like it just got stepped on by a Fel Reaver (play WoW to get the reference ^^), literally. Back on the floor, all the while realising what bad practice this was, but being unable to do anything about it really.

15 minutes after I finished running I managed to make my way to the bed (mixture of crawling and dragging) where I then succumbed again. My head span too much to do anything logical like it was telling me to, such as to stop hyperventilating, to stop blood flow to my head, to go drink water, to get some salt etc. It was like this that my mum found me after she got home for work.

It's not funny when someone comes in when you're more or less disabled, and instead of leaving me alone, the thing I needed the most at that time, she then proceeded to give me a lecture on how stupid I was to begin training at such a high speed, or for that distance, and to stop breathing so fast, and to sit up. What she didn't realise was that I was physically incapable of doing any of those things, my brain possibly the only fully semi functional part of me. I couldn't even voice my annoyance and discontent (probably a good thing), and tell her to leave me alone (not such a good thing).

Eventually, in a deck chair sitting more or less outside where it was cool, having drank half a glass of water and another half glass of isotonic drink, I felt the familiar peristaltic muscular movements in my oesophagus and pyloric sphincter (I was about to vomit). Which I did, making me feel much better, even able to walk properly. And rage at my mum.

Edit: Upon further reflection, I realised that I think I have a problem when it comes to discerning messages from my brain from messages from my body. Despite the obvious damage that I knew I would suffer from pushing myself to that extent, I deigned myself to go on, possibly mistaking that as another excuse my mind was throwing at me. And yet, if I gave in then, what resolve would I be left? I uncovered a belief of my own then: I seem to refuse to give up on something once I resolve to finish it. A very terrible one to hold in this case, but that's what it seems.

Anyway! Back to the happenings since school ended. The LAN on Sunday was great, some fun games with Ray and stuff, I think I learnt a lot from that LAN in terms of further Dota intricacies and the like, some of those guys were really amazing players. David's house that night was more of less learning how to play Playstation 2 pretty much (I've never owned a console in my life, in case you hadn't heard =) ), in a Naruto fighting game~

I got my computer back today as well, the techs refused to replace my damn motherboard. Stingy people. They just checked it, said oh it's working, and gave it back. I KNOW it's working, it's just old and slowed down. Come on. They did replace my cooling system though, and recommended a reimage if it was still slow -.-". In the long term, I'll probably have to get to that some time, but until then that's not an option. Transferring stuff to my new HDD is incredibly slow (thanks to the computer itself...).

Anyway, back to WoW. I'm apparently a slow leveller, and I really need 70 before I get into NS! Go go~

Cyaz.

Free kill~!

--------------------

--------------------

--------------------

--------------------

--------------------

Something told me that I had chosen the wrong time to put my computer in to get a new battery (which seems to be working pretty well by the way). So many things to write about, the last four days or so have arguably contained some of the most important and memorable events of my life so far.

Basically, school has officially ended. Yup, today brought the bittersweet end of an era in my life. But first, let me talk about a barbecue I attended on Sunday (aren't you glad I actually bothered with a mental checklist over this weekend... Messed up ideas in a post like this would be bad).

Upon reflection, I think I might have failed to mention a key element in shaping the emotions that come with a period such as this. About a month after the exams and, most of my friends are going away together on a trip to Korea/Japan. Just the group of us pretty much. Thanks to the Singapore Government's National Service, despite my residence elsewhere, I cannot join them on this holiday to Japan. Which I would actually have loved to go to dearly. However, this is something I've come to terms with a while ago now, accepted the situation. I suppose in a sense, I have other things to look forward to. Like seeing people I've missed for ages, people I haven't met for a long time.

Anyway, this Sunday was technically a barbecue organised by Kylie for the expressed purpose of allowing the parents of those going away on holiday together to meet each other, some for the first time, while at the same time allowing for discussion for the trip. Since I live pretty much a few streets away from Kylie (while everyone lives at least 30 mins away) and am the only sad person who can't actually come for the trip but would have liked to, I was invited along too. The barbecue seemed quite a success I thought, except for the stifling heat while we sat outside near the barbecue to keep Kylie company in a relatively unsheltered spot. Melbourne actually gets a lot hotter than Singapore when it wants to get that way. It probably does it about 5 times a year.

The parents seemed to be able to mix well with each other, although it was sort of odd to me at first that the dads separated themselves in a separate group from the mums. Not so much after thinking about it. The initial effect of putting everyone together for introductions and the like reminded me a bit of a water/oil emulsion -.-". The dads formed a micelle by themselves, as did our group and the mums. Was quite funny actually, the micelles then proceeded to move away from each other. But yeah, other than that it seemed quite lively and stuff. I thought everyone was quite sensitive to me, by not bringing up the trip so frequently in conversation, really appreciated that. Kind of had enough of not being able to go, then being constantly reminded of it.

My sister, Kat and I stayed with Kylie and her brother until 6+, singing songs and just being social. It was fun, Kylie was tipsy lol. So many beers/premixes (8?!) for the loss. But yeah, I think that will go down in my memories for a while.

Well, the following day was our speech night, which in general terms we would call our graduation. They actually booked out a rather formal venue, the Melbourne Town Hall, which I had never personally been to before then anyway lol... But you could tell it was quite a grand place. And it had a huge organ. All the way up the back wall of the stage to the high roof. The walls held ancient tapestries and were adorned with ornate... Never mind. Don't bother.

Had to wake up super early to make it for the dress rehersal which was early in the morning... Met up with Kylie to take the train to the city together, we actually had to get up sometime around 5.30-6am. And take a train all the way down. Despite this, we still managed to be late. Go go Melbourne public transport, delay trains more. Still can't get used to it after living in Singapore. Anyway, we weren't that late and stuff hadn't really started yet.

I was actually almost dying of hunger by the time we got out, especially because I had to stay later since apparently I was getting some kind of academic award (wow, I actually did). Got out at like 12ish, which is a really long time, despite it not seeming like much, especially since we had to wake up and eat extra early. Anyway, after lunch with David and Mickey D, Mickey D ditched us and went home :O. David had to go back to the Hall for Wilkie Orchestra rehersal for the night's performance (lol). I met him later at the State Library to study.

As it turned out, I think about half the Asian Year 12 population at our school who bothered to turn up to the rehersal was somewhere in the State Library studying. Quite sad, but it really is the fault of the culture and school for having graduations before exams are over -.-". We were supposed to go to a LAN cafe to play games for a bit after 4ish, but in the end no one turned up. So me and David went and played just an hour, before meeting up with the whole gang at 6 for dinner.

Ok the dinner was really crap. Went to try some random new Japanese place, but I swear the "ramen" tasted like won-ton mee soup ok. Most of us thought the same. The funniest thing was that Kylie's family, who was going to the Speech Night later that night appeared at the same place to eat dinner as we went. Which was sort of awkward, but we lived with it. And then Kat's parents came in. To the same restaurant. Totally not organised (or was it!? Conspiracy theory hooo~).

Generally, speech night went ok. I expected it to be long and boring like last year was when we had to attend the the leaving Year 12's last year. Surprisingly, it didn't seem a very long time at all. I suppose it makes some difference to actually be the cohort leaving the school, sitting on stage that everyone was talking about. It actually related, and I think that was why it was all quite emotional too.

They refused to tell us the awards until they actually got anounced on the night, how stupid is that. Made it so hard for them to organise those people getting more than one award (not me) as well. On the very night itself there were teachers there screwing around with the order of people to go up on stage. And we had no idea what we were getting them for. The best we could have was a fair idea. Bad planning. Even worse, some people who had to go up and recieve things like gift books (the whole year 12 cohort individually came up to shake hands and recieve this) but were involved in drama or music or any performances that night might have missed it. Someone actually did, due to poor planning which I thought was really sad.

The whole time, we were sitting on stage and couldn't hear a word of the speeches due to the crap acoustics we got from people talking on stage. Obviously it was made so only the audience heard it clearly enough to make out what anyone was saying. So we just stared blankly back at the audience or whispered quietly. I manage to do a pro swap thing after we recieved our gift books and walked off the stage. Since our house was the first to recieve gift books, pulling this off meant I could go sit with Kylie on the other side of the row (we split into two lines from the middle of the row) (Kylie was the only person I really talked to from my house). At least I had someone to talk to for the rest of the night.

Walking off was pretty emotional, all the way until everyone left. Before the sending off, we were subjected to some pretty harsh (touching) song treatment, evil combinations of songs to make us reflect and cry pretty much. As we filed off the stage, significant of leaving the school, I think many people might have. I was one of the first off, I wouldn't know. I do know that the resulting mass of mad people at the other end of the line in a room was really quite a mess. There was every sort of emotion expressed there, including confusion as to what to feel (probably me). Not knowing whether to laugh or cry, whether to rejoice or grieve, to maintain composure or break down. It's an extremely odd feeling, one that I had never experienced before, and likely will never experience again. More memories seared into my mind. Only the gift book remains as the physical rememberance of that night, no doubt it will trigger and retrigger those memories for many years to come yet.

All this, and I've only been in the school for 3 years. Some have been for 12. I sort of gave up my analysis when I realised that.

Sigh, almost there.

Today was our Year 12 breakfast and final assembly. The breakfast was fun, in terms of the fellowship and socialising we got to do in a controlled environment among both teachers and friends. The breakfast itself was rather disappointing. It was actually very nice, pastries and fruits and the like. Just not enough of it. Oh well, what to expect of something you didn't explicitly pay for -.-"...

Final assembly... Well, what can I say, it was the final assembly >.>. The first "formal" part wasn't much different, various "gl hf" speeches from the higher-ups. Then a student run component of the formal that involved some music/dance performances (not all of which were actually good by the way). And 'fun' awards were given out, more as a joke than anything. "Most likely to become a billionaire", etc.

All in all I think the morning was pretty worthwhile, I think the emotions had hit pretty hard on both days, and I found that to be especially true when songs are involved. Ah, the wonders of music. Another thing worth mentioning is that during all this, autograph/gift/record books were being passed around tirelessly, and I think I'm quite sick of thinking up more phrases and words of encouragement to write in people's autograph books. Seriously, how many ways is there to say "good luck" to people? I didn't do an autograph thing myself, but I think the gift book, with everyone's face and a quote beneath it will do fine.

I spent the rest of today eating lunch with the group, the happy cup, and then lan again with David and his cousin AnyQ and his friends from school (they are in year 11, Glen Waverley Secondary College). And then I had...

The last Uni Bio lecture ever! This was really nice too. My class consists mainly of girls, probably contributed towards the sort of 'nice' attitude towards Ms. Caulfield, or Bernadette as we're supposed to call her as "uni" students. People actually brought party food to some extent, and Leah actually bothered to bring a thank you card, which we all signed. Of course, we got contacts exchanged too... Hopefully Tanya remembers to email the list of emails she collected to everyone ON that list. Lol, oh well. They were a fun bunch, the UMEP people, albeit extremely smart, every one of them. It's sort of nice to know people like that, I find, especially if they themselves are nice people too. Which I think encompassed our whole class pretty much. I think many of them are worth staying in touch with, along with the group from school.

Ok, this post took over an hour to do. I don't know why, probably because I'm tired and stuff. Also perhaps because this post breaks the record again for longest post yet. Tomorrow the study routine begins anew, hopefully not hampered by the presence of this evil machine again. God has been gracious though, and I will no doubt get through this period. For all of you out there stressing, for whatever reason be it exams, project work, whatever stuff wearing you out, I'm praying for you guys ^^

Good bye. Good game. Hats off to a life now left behind.