There are times, especially when something enormously important happens, that there's so much to say, so much to describe, everything waiting to spill out. And then there are times when there really isn't anything to say, despite the apparent portent of the event or occurance. This is one such example (still, considering the history of this blog (for those who've been following it), I doubt they've been anything else). Techincally, I'm now a civillian. To anyone in the army, it's like the ultimate form of release, freedom ne plus ultra. Little do they know >.>. But that's beside the point.

Yes, from today, I'm (apparently) a free man again. At least for a time. Ok maybe not really. The amount of restrictions I have on me despite holding a civillian pink IC is highly unreasonable. I suppose that partly has to do with the fact that I'm pretty much government property now for the next, what, 10-11 years? I can't go overseas without applying for an exit permit. I still have to pass annual physical fitness tests. I can't switch courses or drop my studies (if it does happen, re-enlistment straight off).

I actually had a surprisingly large pool of ideas to put down in the last week for this post. As a result, it might all seem to turn out as a bunch of random unlinked thoughts. But what you don't know is, I actually bothered(!) to pen down more than half the random ideas that pop into my head during the week and thus have kept a close record, from various sources, of the meanderings of my mind! Therefore, what you will be reading is, in fact , a carefully stipulated bunch of random unlinked thoughts. No, I don't care that you don't care. David's care face --> -___________-

Hmm I'll start with this, as it is remotely relevant, sort of... Is it really worth my while to physically write down the stuff I think of, just to post them here?! Why put my thoughts into words, and even writing, when I could just let them pass me by every day (Yes, you can tell my mind hasn't done much but idle in the time I've been spending in the army). The thing is, I actually find it useful, if not for anyone else, for myself to keep a record of the way my thinking and perception is constantly changing, paradigms shifting. Especially in a lifestyle where I'm pretty much splitting my consciousness into two halves, one which exists in the outside world and one which exists in the army, I find it very difficult to keep track of my thoughts anymore. More so when it comes to linking the two niches in my mind, there's a sort of barrier preventing thought processes and memories, among other things, from being interchanged. I have no clue why this is, perhaps a primative mental safety mechanism of sorts, but that's beside the point. So the only way I could think of to bridge that gap and continue my internal reflections (which, I may add, have become even more relevant to analyse with the onset of such a unique situation), was to write it down. And even writing it down, sometimes I look at what I wrote and go... What was I thinking when I wrote that? It's quite disturbing, really.

Well of course there's the other possible reason... I guess my mind was that idle. >.>

Something else that I've realised after going through the last 6 months... The state of my iPod, in particular, the music and playlists, has undergone radical transformation. Before all this, there was a time when I could, at any point in time, tell you what song I was listening to, down to the title, artist, and even album. I knew every single song in it that well, and before any song went onto the iPod at all, they were critically assessed by me to ensure they passed a certain threshold of quality I expected of only the best that I listened to. Basically, my iPod used to house only the(my) best (Mind, I know it's highly subjective, but bear with me). Now, looking at my iPod, there are times that I don't know what song's playing and sometimes even not recognise the artist (unbelievable). There have even been times when I've felt the urge to SKIP a track! (I realise this is common practice, but really I never accepted it as the way it should be). Sadly, after enlisting, I began the heinous act of uploading mass amounts of music into my iPod, with little or no assessment (due, of course, to the sore lack of time I was allotted/allotting to the practise). I fear it's too late now to remedy the problem; the damage has been done, corruption has already set in deep. I suppose the only way will be to change my mindset and accept what already is. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. Almost too much.

Ok, something else I wanted to touch on, but will do so with some caution. As I may or may not have mentioned, the bunk that I was in during my most recent term in the army, at the Artillery Institute, consisted of a total of 0 full-blooded Chinese. The majority consisted of Indians, and of those remaining, there were only half-Chinese (all of which came from their mother's side, which is significant in another way which I might/(not) explain another time). We had a half-Indian, half-Russian, half-Japanese, and then there was me, half-Ceylonese. Interesting mix, wouldn't you say. Well, I did learn something from living with this bunch during the last few weeks. And also made some comparisons, especially with the full Chinese bunk(s) adjacent and beyond. I'd like to make another disclaimer, if my first post wasn't enough, these are just my objective views based on my observations, which, if I may hasten to add, I feel am in a perfectly politically correct position to do. It's a known fact that from a very young age, in a country such as Singapore, people generally tend to stick with others from their own ethnic groups. It's a natural phenomenon; similarities in cultures, language, and a host of other social norms will inevitably lead to this racial segregation. And of course from this will arise a certain wariness for other parties who don't share ideals, beliefs, and whatever else. Of course, in a developed society like Singapore, such thinking is curbed, and multi-racialism encouraged. Yet still, there still exists an unseen barrier between different cliques. It was during the last few weeks that I stumbled upon perhaps one of the more fundamental behavioural distinctions (although the possibility that such conclusions reached from observations such as this may be voided due to the sample consisting mainly of young adult males. Still, my observations. Skip if you cbf/are offended/bored (Lol tricked you, you already read the boring part)).

It appears to me that when a bunch of Indian guys get together, it won't be long before they settle right down with each other, laughing, telling jokes, singing songs, making beats on furniture, sitting on tables or all over the place. They're a fun loving people. What you get when you put a group of Chinese guys together, they spend the first few days eyeing each other gravely, eventually opening up to perhaps quiet discussions over the table. (Please note that these are exaggerated generalisations). It also appears, in general, that the Chinese guys are more complying in terms of instructions given or rules to be followed, perhaps due to their relatively more serious view, I don't really know. Whereas the Indian guys are the ones wont to question their instructions, take the easier way if it exists etc. Neither are necessarily negative, but simply the result of differing views. To the Indians, the Chinese probably appear to be stiff-necked wet blankets , while to the Chinese, the Indians probably appear irresponsible or even rebellious though neither can be said to be true about the other. As an observer standing in the middle, I suppose I realised I was one of the few who would even be able to voice such opinions without taking fire from left, right, centre, and even above (moonfire!). So I thought, might as well go ahead and say it, dispel some of the tension, and maybe ease a little curiosity.

Sigh, had more stuff to say, but there isn't much a line in a piece of paper can do to induce total recall.

Well, since I left camp, (and I'm glad for it... Being the lowest rank in the office means... A lot of things. Painful things.) I've just visted a new cell group in church. We met up on Friday for the meeting and Saturday for church, and on both nights the resulting fellowship, which involved going out for dinner/supper/anything and just talking, getting to know people. The interesting thing is this. It's not been so many years ago that I can't remember the time when I couldn't really talk to random people I didn't know without some common object of interest to centre and branch the conversation from. (Religion is excluded in this case since it was the purpose for meeting up in the first place). Strangely, I didn't experience any such difficulty with this group, introduced to me by Joshua, a fellow course-mate and friend from AI. It may perhaps have had to do with the members, with a few people sometimes you just don't need common interests; the conversation just flows. But a theory I came up with is this: I think that as people grow older, they tend to gain more experience socially, enabling them to socialise more widely outside their circle of interests/knowledge. More ways to start/continue conversations, even about topics considered general to yourself. I suppose as we learn, the need for specialist topics to exist as a bridging point between friendships dwindles, and even general topics can come into play in extended conversation. But yeah, I seem to get along pretty well with this group of people so far, there really are some nice people there who I would like to get to know better.

I've come to realise over the years that people simply don't notice things they aren't looking for. Subtle hints left in words or actions are often lost due to inalertness or simply inexpectancy. But then again, I suppose you can't always be on the lookout for the more elusive side of human interaction. It may be that I've turned Cairhienin, holding on to the belief that sometimes it's the more intricate elements of communication which made the difference. I guess not everyone understands, especially when it's imperative that they do. Therefore I'm resolving to make a change in this: blatant as it may appear, I've come to realise the necessity of communicating a thought across outweighs the mode of delivery. Now I just have to put it into practice. Easy right? Formidable beyond comprehension.

Believe it or not (for those who survived the monster post), I actually did have more things to say lol (And some I didn't have). Anyway, I'm pretty much almost full-time WoWing at the moment lol, trying to catch up with the times (been away for a year and a half - lots to catch up with and upgrade). You could sort of blame the late post on that fact =P. Orientation stuff for my course starts next week, and arrangements for my flight back are already underway (sort of). I'll next post whenever =P so keep an eye out... I'm no longer bound by the weekend post law~!

Cheerio~.

P.S. This entire post took about 3 sessions of blogging to complete lol, so do excuse whatever grievances you developed in the process.

Daes Dae'mar.

END Story Arc 2 - NS Phase I