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I cannot stand this any longer. It's a terrible thing, to have ideas, personal reflections blooming in your mind, and then simply letting them fly by. It just feels to me like such a dreadful waste, really. Which was one of the reasons why this blog was birthed in the first place. Now, a very insightful/valid point worthy of note: this blog was in fact created during my self-imposed 1 year hiatus from playing WoW. And now, ever since the army (and consequently, since I started gaming like a gamer again), this ridiculous and outrageous habit of only posting at the very last hour, on Sunday nights just before bed, and not when I'm feeling it, has taken poisonous root. It has undoubtedly resulted in much stalling and stagnancy of my mental state, among other possible negative effects. Blogging is therapeutic, I've long ago come to realise the fact. But beyond that, it gives the individual an outlet to express, voice and just freely rant about anything and everything, an unlimited freedom in a sense, within a fixed domain (but what isn't). The thing is, of these thoughts and the like that flash through your head at ~50000/day, of the one's expressable, I'm willing to bet that 95% aren't. Hence, in an attempt to close the gap between the person who we show we are, and the person we think we are, personal blogs are invaluable in providing a framework somewhat detached from the current social standings, and therefore introducing a less restrained environment for that purpose. (Note the absence of "the person we really are". I am of the belief that this transcends even the level of expression blogs afford us in society today. An extremely close, personal relationship, perhaps? I also question the validity of self assessment at such levels.) I refuse to tolerate any self-inhibiting element of my own freedom of speech!! (Ok, that sounded dumb).

I don't even know if the origins of this blog have ever been mentioned previously (but then, I strongly doubt anyone's bothered to read every one of my posts (do correct me if I'm wrong, it'll be a pleasant surprise! (No, my hopes are not up.))). Well, some background: it was effectively created during my final year of school, Year 12. Subsequently, it was also the year of my hiatus. The actual date follows my return from a trip to Singapore (the first time I travelled alone, I believe) during our mid-semester break for a week, to settle administrative issues pertaining to my NS enlistment (at the end of the year), with medical check-ups and the like. Well, the whole trip, it's purpose and process as one entity really had an effect on me. That, combined somehow with the lack of something to apply myself to outside of requirements (school/CCAs/any commitment in general) (hey, I quit playing WoW, which was pretty significant given the avid gamer I am) were probably some elements which lent reason. Now someone remind me again why I brought this up. Anyway, I feel that my blog isn't fulfilling the full purpose it's creation was designed to accomplish. Working on it.

We got this new lecturer for our studies in the Respiratory System... And damn, she takes me way back. Ahh, the nostalgia of primary school days. "Get the f*** out of my lecture!" (paraphrased, of course) was especially stimulating. I didn't really think such crap would appear in uni, but I suppose every lecturer is different... And it is Singapore, so I suppose some crotchety old lady was bound to pop up as our lecturer sometime. I mean, it's fine if you want to bitch about latecomers, we're students, we all have a certain threshold when it comes to bitching. But honestly, are you even allowed to chase students out of the lecture theatre? About half of her first lecture was spent bitching, then paraphrasing the bitching (paraphrasing is something she does best, by the way). Takes a toll on the ears. Made me wonder what I would have done if I came late for her lecture, bothered to do the polite thing by coming in up by the back, finding an inconspicuous spot at the back, only to have the entire lecture halted on my account, made an embarrassment (paraphrased excerpt) in front of the cohort, then being verbally abused (paraphrased and then summarised, of course). Don't really want to know, and somehow I don't think she would either. Anyone else reminded of the Grinch, in more ways than one? >.>

I witnessed something that riled quite a bit earlier, but then gave me pause. I've never been one for open criticism (as much as I present), unless it was absolutely necessary or called for. Whether as a result of this or otherwise, it gets me pretty disappointed at people who show open disdain* for another's attempt at saying/explaining/demonstrating something out of their own goodwill, for the good of another or others. At a glance, it doesn't seem such a common occurance, but think again - the peer who is silently mocked by others for attempting to demonstrate a concept to a questioning classmate for their weak grasp of english, the community service volunteer shunned for their inadequacy or on sheer opinionated whim. Generally, it is the snobby third party, who benefits not from the actions of the targetted party, acting only as onlookers, who generate such sentiments. I started feeling contempt at this particular third party, before I realised something. In the not so distant past, that was me. The arrogant, elitist bastard who criticised based on the quality of anything at all, and saw not the motive. That an action was a free-willed and well-intentioned one meant nothing. This applied to many aspects, from noobs on web forums, to people who thought they knew something, attempting to aid people who knew they didn't. The blind leading the blind, and feel scorn for that blind leader, I did. That was before I started to question why I, myself gifted with true sight in whichever scenario this applied to, did nothing to help those stumbling, the lost and the floundering both. That said, I'm hoping that I've at least dealt with that character flaw and logical chink in myself.

*Note: the disdain here is a subtle yet powerful factor (in the form of words, actions, or anything that conforms to the below template really) - it's normally not addressed directly at the targetted party, but rather to others around (also members of the third party, and the second (those with something to gain)), and yet is in view of the targetted party themselves. This causes immeasurably more hurt and damage than if the expression had shifted completely either way (direct to first party, or direct to audience).

On another note, a freak accident at the washing machine resulted in the decolouration and as a result miscolouration of some of my clothes after a wash at the launderette downstairs. This tells me a few things: I need to get my own laundry detergent (using random ones around the launderette might have had to do with it >.>), and also that I need new clothes. Hmm clothes... Where do those come from again? Been way too long since I went out shopping for clothes by myself... Actually, have I ever gone clothing shopping alone? Considering going online this time around, like I do for pretty much everything else (which isn't much).

Oh wow, it's 3am. I need to get back into the habit of truly blogging again... How long this took is testament to how unconditioned I've become. Resolution! Blogging > gaming!?

'Til next time.