Well I hope I never figure out

Who broke your heart

And baby if I do

Well I hope I never figure out

Who broke your heart

Baby if I do

Well I'd spend all night losing sleep

I'd spend the night and I'd lose my mind

If I spend the night then I lose my mind

Spend all night losing sleep

I'd spend the night and I'd lose my mind

If I spend the night then I lose my mind

Spend all night losing sleep

I'd spend the night and I'd lose my mind

If I spend the night then I lose my mind

--------------------

Reconciliation is a wonderful thing, isn't it. Miscommunication just breeds uncertainty, and uncertainty, misunderstanding. Sometimes I wonder, if everyone were just able to speak their minds freely, what sort of place we'd be living in... But then, I don't know if I'm capable of it, myself, or if I'd even want that, expect that of anyone. And sometimes I think the mystery, the suspense, it's intriguing in it's own, secret way. Nobody's open book, you say?

I wear a mask. I constantly modify it, little improvements, here and there, tweaking, optimising it for maximum performance. It's always improving, a work in progress. Behind my mask, are two faces. My mask comes off sometimes, to reveal one or the other, but let's just say, it doesn't happen much. None but a handful have seen them both. Then again, I think no one's really wondered what's behind the mask. Have I fine-tuned it to such great capacity, that it doesn't even seem like one any more? Even more remotely, the possibility that I'd want to take that mask off myself (never). I used to be able to assume all this to be true... Now, I'm not so sure. 

It's odd, but as a Christian, I guess I've never really been able to get along with most of my "brethren". I find, more often than not, aside from the fact that we worship the same God, our personalities, ideals, differ vastly. This apperas especially true (based on my own findings) with 1st generation Christians, or relatively new believers. Note, this is by no means true in all cases, in fact, I believe there are, and will be, exceptions. However, in the vast majority of cases, I simply can't seem to get along with them. It appears to me that many adhere to a certain group of personality trait(s), though I lack the means to obtain this information. It might have to do with my upbringing, possibly, though I can't be sure. I was brought up in a Christian home, yes, but it isn't long after mental maturity that you start to ask the question, "what is this all about?". And so, intrisically, there lies the first difference. I started out with all the information available to me, and I set out questing for the reasons why, from this side of the fence. This might explain my differing perception of many things, including sometimes, our own faith, with other believers. 

Thinking analytically, assuming I was not born into a Christian home, and everything still happened the same somehow... Then by this time in my life, I see myself either being a strong atheist, an agnostic (and deserving of the title), or at the very most, a skeptic in search of meaning. If no one bothered in that hypothetical life to take me gently by the hand, and show me the way patiently, slowly, and painstakingly, I'd never find God, short of a direct touch by God Himself. Not with a mind geared this way. I suppose, for this, I have to thank God. Being born into a Christian family made things a lot easier for me, and I'm glad for it. For one, my life would definitely have turned out vastly different without God's hand in it. But I suppose, as a result of this realisation, I've also found that when I encounter and get to know people, in whom I see one who resembles that hypothetical me, my heart goes out to them. 

The A level results release on Friday. All the best to every one of my former batch-mates, though I doubt any one of them are going to be reading my blog still... Except for you =) (If you are not a former batch-mate, do excuse the reference~). So best wishes, and don't worry, because there isn't a point to it. There's nothing to do now except wait patiently, calmly, and pray. Hold on, hold fast. 

My own exam's in 10 days. Unbelievable. It's incredible where all that time just disappeared to. I've really got to get a grip, stop with all the gaming/anime already and really get down to business, before it's too late to even do anything about it. The time is now. 

Peace.